DP and tinder guy

[KnockingNoise]

Name changed for this..

Been with DP for many years, very happy. No kids and not married. Im in my late 20’s he’s early 30’s. He’s currently working away for a year to save extra money. It means we can actually buy a house next year rather than rent. It’s not really changed much as we still see each other most weekends.

4 years ago we broke up for a year - he ended the relationship. I was heartbroken. 2 months later I met a “rebound” online except we actually really liked each other and began a relationship. He was far from perfect but he was a lovely man and although it wasn’t love, I was very, very fond of him. The sex was also great.

9 months later DP was on my mind a lot and it wasn’t fair on tinder guy so I ended things.
DP and I ended up back together. We are both very happy. He’s the kindest man you could meet.

However the other week I was scrolling through my old WhatsApp conversations and found the one with tinder guy. His photo was one of him and his new girlfriend.

I’m not jealous. I’m not sad. I don’t feel anything except from the fact I keep thinking about him??!! A lot..
I don’t want to be with him, I don’t miss him however I just appreciate the nice memories I have of him. I’ve brought him up once or twice into conversations with friends and I’ve listened to “our” song

I’ve since realised that I’m not replying to DP as often and whenever I erm.. have alone time.. my mind wanders to tinder guy

What the hell is going on?
DP is the love of my life, he makes me very happy yet here I am thinking of ex tinder guy who I don’t even have feelings for other than fondness of our memories together..

I should also add I haven’t spoken to tinder guy since the day we broke up, 3 years ago. He doesn’t live in my area so no connections and no chance of bumping into each other

You may well just be a bit lonely. Long distance is hard, however much you love the person, so your mind is wandering to someone else who cared for you when you're feeling in need of it.

You sound sure in your relationship, so just try and ignore the thoughts and they'll probably go away in their own. The more attention you pay the more they'll keep coming back.

Is there any chance of visiting your DP soon? Put a jolt of energy back into the relationship to refocus you?

I suspect you’re bored. I’m bored at the moment and last night had a dream about having sex with a woman. But I’m aware I don’t have enough to occupy my brain at present. Could you go and your dp?

Could it maybe be that you still harbour a bit of resentment about the fact he ended it? Maybe that your back up option (as bad as that sounds) isn't available anymore?

Thank you for the replies!

I don’t really have the time to feel bored to be honest. I’m working a lot and seeing friends still. I’ve started a new hobby too. I’m out visiting DP next weekend so that might help

Could it maybe be that you still harbour a bit of resentment about the fact he ended it? Maybe that your back up option (as bad as that sounds) isn't available anymore?

No resentment at all. Although at the time I was gutted, I’ve since realised it was for the best and I’ve grown in confidence because of that break up (if that even makes sense?!)

Even if DP and I broke up tomorrow I would never even contact tinder guy even if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I would never go there again

It’s just thrown me!

Sounds like a bit of nostalgia. I wouldn't be too troubled by it. Just remember it's nostalgia for a feeling and not a person.

I agree with Karkasaurus I think it's more about nostalgia. As a human you're allowed feelings and emotions that don't have to be linear or even make sense all the time.
We all do the rose tinted glasses thing.
I reckon it's just something you're reminiscening about at the moment and give it a few weeks it won't matter. Don't force yourself to think or feel a certain way. And don't try to understand all your feelings as it'd drive you crazy.