How many have been in love?

[Humanswarm]

I realise that this has probably been done but..how many of you are in love, live like the movies, the books, the all encomspassing, take your breath away love. And when does that change to something different? Or does it at all? Pr how many live their partners but are not totally madly deeply in love??

Just the once with dp.

I had thought I was in love with previous partners but looking back I don't think I really was.

We've been together thirteen years and it started off with that all encompassing take your breath away kind. It was quite literally an eyes meeting across the room and heart in mouth/time slowing down first meeting.

it's evolved now into a calmer deeper sort of love.

He feels like home now and it's lovely. He's not perfect by any means but we're very good for each other

Also this He knows me inside and out, knows my flaws, and still thinks I'm the the bees knees Sums it up nicely.

so, is it better we love, madly and passionately, even if it hurts, to have felt that is enough? Or settle for comfortable.

You can have both. I’ve been married 30 years and the first few years were the “god I can’t believe I’ve found this man, I love him so deeply”. Then along comes life- children, money worries, illness, deaths and our own business highs and lows, and you go through a roller coaster of feelings.
There have been times when I’ve thought about leaving (Dh is a workaholic), but we’ve always managed to work through them. The last few years- Dds have both left home, have been amongst the happiest and I feel very deep love for him. We thank out lucky stars we’ve got each other.

I think facing reality is so important in a LTR. You can’t have the hearts and flowers for decades, life gets in the way.

@stucknoue

When I read your post I could feel your pain. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

Op I don’t think we have one soul mate. I think the potential is there to love anyone. I think that if you find someone with similar values and you both want to make it a ‘happily ever after’ then that’s exactly what it will be. There are plenty of ‘right’ people out there for us though.

I still get butterflies when my husband comes home - I still love it when he calls me as he’s leaving work.

Sure he’s a total bellend at times but so am I. He’s my best friend and as soon as we met I knew this was the one for the long game! We’ve been together nearly ten years and married for two with a three year old ds.

He’s ambitious and pro active and gets on with whatever is needed. Which drives me mad at the same time as me loving it about him 😂😂

He’s a wonderful man and I am happy. I’ve not had this sort of feeling with anyone else.

I do remember being totally in love with a boy when I was 17 and we were together for a year. I’d liked him for four years and we were really good friends and spent a lot of time together. I’d sort of accepted that. Then we became a couple and it was bliss. It ended and he came out....

I think what I learned from that, at so young, was to find someone who is as much your best friend as well as your lover. And that is what my husband is. We’re so similar and daft. He makes me incredibly happy.

I've been in love twice, but both of them treated me terribly. But I'm sure none of them loved me, or certainly not in the way I loved them. I'm not risking it again, it's painful being the one who loves the other more, it's a headfuck being in a long term relationship with someone and realising that the love that is supposedly there is unrequited. I don't even have any happy memories because it is all marred by the cheating and lying and disrespect.

Honestly, I've never been in love with anyone in the way you describe it.

With DH is was a case of ‘ok, let’s see what this is all about’ when we met - no butterflies, no romance. It’s durable and we’re best friends. I’ve had the kind of limerance thing where I felt I’d gone mad. Amazingly exciting but steadied down into friendship. Oh and far more hopeless crushes than actual relationships.

I fell in love with a married man who was also a good friend & colleague.
Of course we couldn't be together; he moved away & has since had another child with his wife.

That was when I was 29; I'm 43 now & haven't felt like that since sadly.
I'm single for many reasons but once I start dating I'm looking for that spark of attraction that can grow into love.

I saw an elderly couple holding hands yesterday.
And at work I see many over 70s who are in love.

My best friend has been with her husband for 17 years & they still text each other every lunchtime when they're apart.

I'm 35 and I've been in love once. The crazy, head over heels, beautiful cinematic moments, breath taken away...just all the feels and it was incredibly romantic.

He's marrying someone else in a couple of weeks.

Its been almost 5 years since we last saw each other and the chances are now that we will never set eyes on each other as long as we live. I used to think I couldn't live without him. I wasn't enough for him though and ultimately he chose another girl. It was utterly devastating. I'd hoped beyond hope that there would be someone else for me further down the line who would make me see why it never worked out with him but I've been single all these years. I really hope he wasn't my only hope of love. I'm sure if I'd met someone else by now he wouldn't be that big a deal to me. Just a man I once loved when I was younger and a bit more foolish. Maybe I still hope he was the one before "the one".

I remember a wise woman saying at the time that people who were in love the way we were couldn't marry and have children. She said it was too intense and we'd both end up with someone a little less terrifying, boring even.

Since him, I've not really been looking for that sort of overwhelming all consuming love. Just someone safe that I can trust won't hurt me, someone who is honest and kind and keeps his promises. Someone that I'm enough for. That love was incredible but too much of an emotional rollercoaster and the heartbreak was awful. I don't think I could put myself through that again.

Yes. I knew DH was the one for me the minute I set eyes on him. Just this overwhelming feeling "oh, it's you, That's where you've been" and then a deep sense of rightness and joy. He felt the same. I would have laughed in your face if you'd told me I would ever believe in love at first sight, let alone experience it, but I did. We had quite a lot of obstacles in our way before getting together but I knew throughout that we would end up together.

The start was very movie-like, lots of big romantic gestures and staying up talking all night and weird coincidences etc etc. Once we had DD things evolved into a deeper, richer, calmer love - I was very ill and the way he stepped up to take care of us both was awe-inspiring and left me feeling more deeply in love than ever. We're in it for the long haul and are happy to enjoy each stage of our relationship as it comes.

I’ve been with my DP for 7 years and I’m still utterly besotted with him.

He’s not the dad of my DCs, whom I loved in a strong and solid way in the beginning, but it wasn’t the ‘take your breath away’ type of love that I have for DP.

When I see a message pop up on my phone from DP my heart skips a beat. When he arrives at the door it makes me smile and when he looks into my eyes I melt.

There’s something quite primal about my feelings for him and sometimes I wish I had a more normal relationship like other people so that I wouldn’t feel the desperate craving for him when he’s not here. But I wonder if it’s living apart for so long that has kept things in the ‘honeymoon’ phase for so many years.

I had it with my ex. The idiot ruined it by having his head turned. I know it’s never be the same again so I’m walking away.
I’ll never feel that way again, I don’t want to risk that heart ache ever again!

I have been in love like that, with a total shit, years ago.
Now with my DH, the real love of my life it “just started quietly and grew”.

Once, totally unrequited and when I was a teen.

Only times it's ever been 'take my breath away' sorta 'love' since then its been because they were narcissists mirroring and love bombing. So - give me comfortable, safe and kind any day of the week.

No I don't believe in it, but I can see how people can really fancy each other in equal measure and live happily together though and when there's respect and trust, it adds together and they call it love. Which is fair enough.