My partner is moving out!! What do I do?

[Ffi15]

This is my first post...

So my partner and I have been together 5 years and have 2 daughters!
I’m from South Wales, he’s from London but we’re currebtly living in St. Helens away from all family.
We have been arguing a lot and he’s saying he’s loving out and the relationship is over..

I have suggested counselling or just having a break to see how things go with some time apart but he isn’t interested!!

Do I quit my job and move back to wales with my daughters where my family are.. or stay and see if things would improve?

Help!!

Hello op. Is there anything else keeping you in St. Helens? Where would you like to live alone. Would you be happy where you are as a single person? Be a shame to hang around on the hopes he wants to get back together. Unless that's what you want to do for you

There's no right or wrong answer. You need to think about the support you'll get from your partner if you stay vs what you'll get from your family if you go. And you have to take into account how your daughters will maintain a relationship with their dad if you move home.

I would be very clear that if he is moving out and the relationship is over then I was unlikely to stay in an area that held unhappy memories and no support for me as a lone parent. If he is prepared to simply walk out without any attempt at patching things up, as you are suggesting, then let him walk out with the full knowledge of 'we will not be here waiting for you'.

Don't stay for him if he's leaving you.

I think it depends on what you’re life is like in St. Helens". Do you have a job, friends, support, are your kids at school, are they happy and settled?

Go to wherever you're happiest, OP. Put yourself first. If he's going back to London he'd have to travel to St Helens or to Wales to see your DC anyway.

Out of curiosity- why are you now living in St Helens, was it for your or OH work?
If he moves out, is he moving back to London?

Hard one IMO. If the relationship is over for good, I completely understand the desire to move back home and be close to family so you can get the support you need. However, how old are DC? Does this mean pulling them out of school at key points in their development?
If your OH is not moving back to London and you really want to work on the relationship then moving back to Wales probably isn't the best idea as chances are you might work it out and want to move back again.
However, if it's over for good then you need to do what's best for you as a family! If you have no friends, colleagues or support network in St Helens then maybe that is for the best..but equally, you could be very happy where you are and still start fresh!

Oh how swell he gets to move out and leave all the childcare of two young children to you I guess? F that, tell him he's just as responsible as you are

I wouldn’t be happy here as a single parent, I have some friends at work but other than that no support with my children. They are still young, 1&3 so I think they would settle ok if I did move.
I have told him that if he wants to move out and live a single life I cant stay and wait around.. he still is not bothered - says he wants to work on himself!
I feel like the biggest part is the distance between us if I did move.. I know there would never be a possibility of getting back together. I still love him even though we have some issues .. is it clear I’m hanging onto something that realistically isn’t going work?

He needs to face the consequences of his actions. He says he's moving out. He says he doesn't love you. Well, that's fine. He has every right to say that, but then you have the right to move near to some support.

If he does move back to London, you ah uld seriously consider moving back home to where your family is. As an aside, I'm from St Helens so I know there can't be much keeping you there 😆 unless you have an amazing friend network there, your family will be a huge help to you

You live in the same town as me :). Lots of people have already given some good thoughts, but the only thing I would add is that I don't think you should (or need to) make a decision now. Let him move out, see how you feel, and let the dust settle. If you move right away you'll never know if it would have worked for you here.

I hope you're ok - know that you've at least got one person in this town (me!) sending you well wishes x

You don't quit your job. You research job possibilities in S.Wales. You talk to your family. Research renting 2 bed houses with garden. Look online at the maintenance and benefit support you are entitled to. You are now a single parent. There doesn't seem to be an 'if' you move. Go where your support system is.

He is being very clear. He has no interest you. Will he be a dad to your dc? Your dc are at a great age, plenty of time to settle in a new home before they start school.
A job interview, a deposit on a rent, booking a moving van, it could all happen before Christmas......

My family are amazing and I wouldn’t have any worries of support, childcare wise or finically (luckily)
I think I need to just leave, I know he will regret it but I suppose thatl be his problem.
THank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it xx

Go back to Wales. If he wants to “work on himself”, he will probably be a lousy father anyway.

Just ensure you have child support in place, registered for enforceability. He should have to support his children, even if it’s not a priority for you.

is it clear I’m hanging onto something that realistically isn’t going work?

Yes, I think it is, to be honest. He's checked out of the relationship and is making it clear he's interested in neither you nor his children. He's wanting the single life.

Good luck - but I'd be doing what was best for me and the DC, which sounds like Wales. I agree with PP who said sort out job/accommodation, etc first. But start making plans to move.

Make the move now, before school applications. It's for the best. If he regrets it that much and it was really meant to be, he'll get to south wales.