Why is it so hard to leave?

[Isthisnormalorisitme]

Just that

I didn't mean to post! But now I have.

It's a potentially abusive relationship, and I am waiting for support, but am just so confused as partner is now being totally nice

What support are you waiting for?.

Fear of the other person, fear of being alone, financial pressures; all these and more besides can keep people trapped in abusive relationships.

What you may well be experiencing now sadly is the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous one. Abusers are not nasty all the time; they can be "nice" sometimes to keep you drawn in.

@Attila

I spoke to someone very helpful on a domestic abuse line. I will be contacted next week but suddenly things don't seem so bad, as if I am imagining it all

Even terrible people usually do some nice things occasionally.

You know what has happened. You know all of the truth.
I’m glad you are getting some help.

So it has all come to a head. Partly my fault, I made a couple of snidey comments. He has now turned everything on its head and said I am always so nasty to him. He has left house with DS for the day, saying it's only x years til he is 16 and make his mind up. I am dreading the conversation when he gets back as I don't want DS to witness the fall out

“Partly your fault....” because if you aren’t very careful what you say or how you say it, he gets furious, maybe even physical with things or with you?
That is abuse. And it is not your fault.

Have you spoken again with the helpline today?

Um yes, I do have to be careful to watch what I say come to think of it.
Hoping things stay calm for DS sake. Someone is phoning me tomorrow, so I just need to hang on a bit.
Thing is that I'm starting to think maybe I am the one in the wrong

Based on your subsequent posts, I'd say it's so hard in your case (and many cases of abuse) because he uses the latent threat of taking your child away from you.

He's abusive, a bad man. The only way is out.

And he was being nice because he sensed a temperature change in you. That didn't work, so he changed tack to super nasty. If that doesn't work, he'll try something different - as is the wont of the abusive man.

He'll never change.

@PicsInRed
Yes I think the main fear is for my DS. Not necessarily taking him away, but because of the family dynamics, my son will feel great empathy for his dad. I will be seen as the bad uncaring one. I can cope with that, but am so worried about feelings of DS

He hasn't been that nasty ..this time
But I am still sick with worry and anxiety

"Nasty" is all relative. Today he may be less nasty than yesterday, but he's always high on the spectrum of prickyness.

Please google "parental alientation". This seems to be what he's threatening you with and what he is attempting, going by your subsequent posts. It needs to be tackled head on - sticking around, being a good girl and hoping for the best doesn't work in these cases. It simply gives them more time to do more damage.

Stick with your decision, you did it because you know you've got to leave. When they call back on Monday do what they suggest. Get your stuff together, changed your passwords, get a new phone, get ready because this weekend's new behaviour won't last- he will find something to punish you for when he gets back.

How old is your DS?

DS just about 12, new secondary, not many friends yet, not a great time 😕
He is however, fully aware that things are not that good, as he hears a lot of criticism (mainly to me) and shouting (not in the last 2 weeks)
I told school of situation last week

Well done letting the school know.