Step dad and husband falling out

[Loubydoo]

So we have a whole new issue in our house that has never happened before. My step dad (who doesn't have any children of his own but who has been around since I was six) has always been a really sweet grandfather to my now nearly 5yo. This week my mum and SD were due to look after my little girl from Weds-Fri while I was working. My mum got sick so she didn't come and my SD offered to come on his own. All went well on Wednesday but then on Thursday he got a sickness bug (which has affected other members of the family) we told him not to worry and rest up and some friends took our dd for the day. Today he said he was well enough to look after her so came round this morning. I went to work and my dh has still at home at that point. Apparently my dh was spending a long time getting ready and my dd was getting more and more upset about being left with granddad and started shouting. DH talked to her, calmed her down and brought her in to apologise to granddad. He wouldn't accept the apology and kept telling dh to get on and ended up shouting at him and telling him it wasn't normal to be like this so dh said he might as well go, which he did. To complicate the issue they were due to go together to visit another family member for a children's party tomorrow (I am working so not going). Obviously dh won't go so I texted SD to tell him (worded it nicely - saying "sorry it didn't work out, hope you're feeling better" before saying dh wasn't now going) and recommend that he doesn't need to hang on until tomorrow (which he was doing for us). I should also say that both of them are extremely mild-mannered and for this to come up is really odd and out-of-character. Both my mum and SD have done a lot for us since dd was born and we have always tried hard to show our gratitude and not take advantage. So now we have a rift and I don't know how to sort it (parents live in a different town so we won't see them by chance) and with dd's birthday and Christmas etc on the way I don't want there to be issues but I can't see dh and SD in the room together any time soon. Any advice from anyone in a similar situation?
thanks to those who have read this far x

Step dad was probably still a little under the weather. Paired with your husbands dawdling and your child's crying, I suspect he just lost his patience. I'm sure after step dad and husband calm down and apologise to each other it'll be fine.

Thank you @munzero I'm sure you are right. It's just that nothing like this has happened before so it's thrown us a bit.

Why was your step-father being such a prick about your husband being in his OWN HOME? This makes absolutely no sense. So what if your husband was taking longer to leave? He has every right to, and so what if your daughter got a bit grumpy? That happens. Seems to me your step-father is the one who caused all this. If I were your husband, I wouldn't be apologizing either.

Not sure I completely understand but it sounds like dh was taking ages to get ready, dc was getting upset, sd was telling dh to hurry up and go as it was probably making dc worse, when dh didn't , sd then said he was as well go. Seems like sd was fed up and possible not 100%.
I think in that situation I would ask my dh to apologise that things got out of hand on all parts and move on.

It was a situational argument that people got stressed and argued

They need to move on

@Aquamarine1029 - that's exactly what my husband thinks.

that's exactly what my husband thinks.

He thinks that because he's right, and you should be supporting him. It's outrageous that your step-father was trying to hurry him out of his own home. Who does he think he is??

I actually agree more with your step dad! No he shouldn't have been rude, that's never ok, but I have a 5 year old who gets upset sometimes being left with family. If I was dawdling and taking forever to leave then my dc would get upset and my mum (if looking after them) would probably tell me to get a move on too as it was making them worse! X

Yeah the step dad has a point, he was doing a favour and DH was faffing about, but your DH has a point too in that he was being told off in his house. Sounds like your mums buffer influence was missing.

No person is clearly right so I don’t think you should be choosing sides. In the big scheme, it’s not that serious an argument.

You are not the parent of either of these men, your job isn’t to work on their relationship for them. Your H does not need to apologise but if as a consequence childcare becomes an issue he needs to pick up that slack. Both men were being equally ridiculous.

Your SD shouldn’t have shouted and your H shouldn’t have made your SD life harder by not changing his behaviour.

Do not fall into the trap of playing peacemaker, you didn’t mess up, they did.