The D word

[Pennypringles]

Hey everyone, long time lurker relatively new time poster...

I've just found out that my husband is having an affair. We have been together for 23 years, married for 19. We have 3 kids aged 18, almost 15 and 12.

I have previously found out that he'd been sexting a few women over the years. And 3 years ago he got too close for comfort with a woman at work. Emotional affair do they say?

We have been working on it since. Something clicked in my head on Sunday that he was having an affair. I asked him after I got home from work and he admitted it. In so much that he said he was close to someone, that nothing had happened, and they'd decided to stay away from each other.

Obviously that's a lie. He has literally written her a love letter in his phone notes app, which of course popped up on the family iPad. So that's that. Over. Divorce. From my sleuthing on FB it appears she's already left her husband....

I'm really really calm. Probably shock.

My eldest daughter is here and saw the note. She knows everything. I now have to tell the other two.

I don't really know what I'm asking you all for....advice? Support? A promise that I'll get my kids through it and on to something better?

Thank you xxx

It is shit and horrid for a while. Then it is sad and heartbreaking for a bit. Then it gets better and evenutally it is ok and a huge relief not to be dealing with that shit! xx

Good luck and in the words of Winston Churchill: When you are going through hell, just keep going!

Have you asked him to leave?

I would have thought it would be his job or both of you to tell the children?

💐 you'll find lots of advice on here, but it really is a case of Keep on Keeping on

I just wanted to say I've been there in same situation. Not only will you get through it but you will come out the other side a stronger and happier person. Firstly get all the information you need for divorce then you ask him to leave. He may try to change your mind but please stay strong. If it was a one off affair I'd say talk however your husband obviously has a history of lying. They do not change. My xh promised me the world when we got back together. He cheated again. He will be nice to you for as long as possible in the hope that you will take him back but once he knows there is not a chance he will turn really nasty. My xh tried to take children off me destroy me financially throughout divorce proceedings. He is still really horrible to me. I don't think he will ever get over the fact that I asked him to leave after years of lies. It will be a tough year but nowhere near as tough as living with someone you know who is lying to you. I cried a lot but not as much as I did when we were together. I hated the fact my children were no longer part of the typical family. 2+2. However I now realise it is better for them to be surrounded by positive role models. I have a lot of amazing family and friends. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. In the early days you'll need plenty of people to pop over for a cup of tea/glass of wine. I cried for the loss of the man I loved however a year down the line I can see he was not a nice person and I have had a lucky escape. You have not lost anything by walking away from someone who lies to you but you have gained the chance to start a new chapter of your life.

Going through it at the moment. Yes you are in shock but be prepared for the angry to come . I have not know anything like it. For me it took about 8/10 weeks to come and omg I am fuming. My stbx is refusing to move out. I have had to go away for the weekend just to get space. The kids will adapt they will be sad at the start but they are tougher then us. I just want to wave a magic wand and make it all right now. Xxxx
It’s important to look after urself.

hope your ok OP x

Thank you all.
We told the kids and they asked him to leave.
He has gone to his Mums.
My smallest DD has been obsessively looking for him on the find my iPhone app. He's been with this woman on and off all weekend. And not contacted the kids. None of his side of the family have.
I rang him yesterday morning and told him to get round to see the kids and explain/ answer questions etc while I was at work. I don't want him to lose his kids. Which he did.
According to my DS he was playing the victim with phrases like "I've got the bad end of the stick" and "it's easy for your mum to make me out to be the monster" at which point my DS asked him to leave again. My eldest daughter left the house while he was there as she thinks most of what he was saying was lies. She said the conversation made her change her mind from thinking he's a good man who did a bad thing to thinking he's just a bad man.
I'm encouraging them to ask him whatever they want, maybe write their questions down and stay in touch. I'm telling him to keep trying and trying and take all the anger/ upset on board. I'm telling the kids over and over that he loves them.

I'm staying strong. I'm up and down. It's just so much! Every single thing in my life is interwoven with his. Its taken my breath away a few times. It's ridiculous the things that get you. Like having to get the 5am bus to work now. And cancelling plans. And having to change rotas. And songs! Oh my god don't songs hurt!
Bleurgh!