Why can’t I let go? I am an emotional mess! Help!

[Hammers1987]

I posted on here a few days ago. Quick recap. My DH of five years didn’t come home from work one night. Didn’t return for his things and was gone for two weeks. He came back a week ago today. Told me everything was okay, promised he wasn’t leaving again. He lived and missed me. It was hard being apart. We were sorting things out. Had sex. Spent the night cuddling, and the same on Saturday morning in bed. He then left for work and never came back. Again.
Since then he has been cruel, brutal and spiteful. It was our Wedding Anniversary Wednesday and he failed to acknowledge it. He fails to recognise or even talk about last weekend. Said we had been split up a month. Well, a month ago we were out having dinner together. Last weekend we were together.
He won’t a knowledge anything I say. Only messages when he needs or wants something. Speaking to me like I am no-one.
During this week though, he has failed to sort out any finances I have asked him to. Hasn’t removed himself from the council tax. Hasn’t removed me from our joint account, despite me signing and delivering the form to him. Hasn’t made arrangements to cancel the Sky or virgin WiFi he hasn’t paid. Made arrangements for his Mum’s dog. Literally nothing.
DH does drink a lot, drinks everyday. He has got a problem but is in denial.
I am really struggling to let go. And emotionally I am a mess. Every time I try to pack some of his things it breaks my heart and I end up in a ball on the floor sobbing. My house doesn’t feel like home. I struggle to sleep in our bed feeling that he used me last weekend. He has made me feel like I imagined what happened despite having the messages, pictures and videos. It kills me the way he speaks to me like I am a stranger. He walked out again, and can’t even have a civil conversation. Simply says he doesn’t want to talk about it!
Why can’t I let go of someone who has hurt me and is treating me so awfully? I can’t get angry, I feel broken. Empty. Lost.

You poor, poor thing. This sounds horrific.

It sounds like it's either mental health issues or an affair. Have you got any support from friends and family?

@RLEOM Thank you for your reply.
I honestly wish there was another woman. Would make this a lot easier to be honest. DH has been drinking a lot over the last four months. He was arrested in May, and looking at a custodial sentence for half a million pound fraud and money laundering along with copyright offences. His behaviour is in stark contrast to the man who laid on my sofa crying a few months ago he didn’t want to lose his wife or kids. To the man who was home a week ago today. It really isn’t rational behaviour!
He has been rather forgetful and reckless recently. Not paying bills to drink. Making mistakes at work. Binge drinking everyday. Forgetting even the smallest things I have said, and how much money he has given me. He seems to be lying to everyone as well at the moment. His best mate laid into him a few days ago about the way he has treated the kids and I. He refuses to speak to him now.
I miss him so much, and a part of me wants to help him even though only he can help him. Seeing him self destruct is breaking my heart even more. This is not the man I met and married. This isn’t the man who was here a week ago. Made plans with me. It is all just too much to understand. I hate the fact he is out drinking and carrying on like normal whilst I am a mess! So cold and brutal!

I have my Mum for support. That’s about it. I became isolated over the last few months and all of our friends were our friends. I don’t feel like I can talk to them, and don’t really want to hear what he is doing.

Wow, he's got himself into a bit if a pickle, hasn't he?
I usually encourage people to support their partner through difficult times but I think this has gone too far for you to manage. I would strongly consider walking away. I know it's hard but you can't get dragged down in his mess.

Not excusing any of his behaviour but it sounds as if he's in the middle of a massive mental health crisis. A real crack up. Don't mean to scare you but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he self harms. If he says anything like that call 999 and report it

I'm not sure what, if anything, you can do. He's an adult and if he won't accept help no one can make him, unless he gets sectioned - which might happen if he becomes a danger to himself.

You could speak to your GP and Google your local mental health crisis team so you've got the number of it ever becomes relevant.

Hoping someone turns up who's got current advice. I dealt with a similar situation but decades ago so no idea how it works these days.

I have tried really hard to support him. At the cost of my own mental and emotional well-being. I have shrunk from a healthy size 12 to a tiny size 6 in the last year due to the drinking which has hot progressively worse. I have also been seeing a Counsellor for the last year who claimed his behaviour was alcohol related domestic abuse.
I did reach out to his family for help a few months ago, but none of them helped at all. Just let him get on with it. He hasn’t even told his parents he was arrested!
He is a bad manager which allows him easy access to alcohol. His staff and employers simply enable him. He drifts from one set of drinking friends to another. Never being honest. But he has gone from drinking every other day to everyday now to the point he left us in £400 worth of debt in the last three weeks alone.
He never speaks about problems or worries. Keeps them to himself. He only once spoke of suicide and that was three months ago when he was drunk and had to sleep in his car. He claimed our marriage was toxic, not understanding that it was his behaviour and drinking that caused all of the problems we did have.
I do worry about him, and I feel I am grieving the husband I have lost, the last five years, and what he has become.

Traumatic bonding.
As for him, there is a psychological rule: "the world is inexorable"
His consequences are crashing down upon him.

Get away for your own safety.

@ScreamingLadySutch It certainly does look that way. I do worry about him, and I hate to think he will sink further down than he is now. I hate to think of him lonely. I am trying so hard to hold it together. I am trying so hard to function myself!
Is there a reason my Husband doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to make things final?
He still refuses to remove me from our joint account, saying it will be handy to pay bills. Not that he has paid any the last three weeks.
He refuses to let me know when his Mum’s dog will be collected, and I know she goes on holiday next week.
He has made no attempt to cancel or transfer the WiFi and sky package. So I am still unable to obtain my own.
He still refuses to return my contract mobile phone, and door key.
If he walked out, then why is he not willing to make it final?
He won’t talk to me about what’s happened. Why he did what he did. But he won’t talk to me to sort anything else out either.
I have said I need to sort this to try and start moving on. Why won’t he do this for me? Why is he making excuses and delaying?