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Original poster

New man advice please

16 replies

UnicornsExist · 12/09/2019 22:51

I'm recently separated and have had 4 dates with a potential new man who is also fairly recently separated. I'm very out of practice at dating so I need help working out what potential new man means without appearing pushy/desperate/over keen or simply out staying my welcome.
Last time I saw new man was a week ago and things were developing with the physical side of our relationship Grin I had to cancel on him earlier this week due to car issues. We have rearranged for tomorrow night at his house which is about an hour from my house.
When I was rearranging seeing him, I said that I'm free Friday night and most of Saturday. He was busy at work at the time so just replied with 'Friday at mine.' I feel like a silly 16 year old but does he mean he's just expecting me to turn up for a chilled evening at his house and then go home or is he likely to be expecting me to stay over as I stated that I'm free for most of Saturday? I don't want to be presumptuous and turn up with an overnight bag if he is expecting me to bugger off back home again tomorrow night. I also feel bit of a twat messaging to ask if he wants me to stay over or not and I don't want him to think that I'm trying to push myself on him. I do however kind of need to know because it will affect what I plan for my kids on Saturday and if necessary arrange for my neighbour to feed my dog on Saturday morning if he does want me to stay. I really like this potential new man and don't want to blow it!
How would you read his response? I'm so out of practice at this dating malarkey and I wouldn't have a clue how to word asking for clarification without appearing to be a bit of an idiot Confused

OP posts:
Mrshappy2019 · 12/09/2019 22:56

Do you want to stay over?

Original poster
UnicornsExist · 12/09/2019 23:01

I wouldn't say no! Really like him but it's so long since I did this sort of thing that I am very out of touch with things. I'm scared of screwing up by misinterpreting his plans for tomorrow night and putting him off.

OP posts:
Elieza · 12/09/2019 23:17

No need to rush into anything. Let things happen at a pace you feel comfortable with. He should be fine with that.
I wouldn’t stay overnight personally. I’d just enjoy his company and head home. Perhaps you could go for a drink at a local bar or something to eat?

Enjoy Smile

Hellywelly10 · 12/09/2019 23:22

You can always pack a bag and leave it in your car? Or put a few bits in your handbag? Have a great timeWine

HellonHeels · 12/09/2019 23:27

Well i wouldn't be too thrilled with 'Friday at mine' and no follow up with detail or plans.

Are you OK with just going to his, not going out anywhere?

Mermummy13 · 12/09/2019 23:32

When I was dating I used to keep an overnight bag in the car just in case 😂
Dosent hurt to be prepared!
If you really like him just go and enjoy yourself! Just stay safe and have a lovely time 😊

Everafter1 · 12/09/2019 23:55

If it's an hour away, would you be driving there? If so, you could take an overnight bag and leave it in your car just in case.

I remember feeling like that when I first met DP. The night we made it official was the first night we had arranged to meet at his before going on a date. It would've been so much easier for me to take my car through & an overnight bag but I was too scared to ask 🙈 looking back it was silly of me & he was hoping I stayed.

You could just ask him what the plans are & if there's alcohol involved? If it's an hour away he'll probably be expecting you to drive there. If you're have a glass of wine it wouldn't make any sense for you to get public transport home that night and go through for your car the next day.

Original poster
UnicornsExist · 13/09/2019 05:24

Thanks all. He's cooking me dinner hence I'm going round to him tonight. Think I'm going to have to message him and find out what his plan is so I can make arrangements for my dog etc if I need to. Now to work out a way of wording it without sounding like a 15 year old or desperate! I'm sure dating before marriage and kids wasn't this difficult to plan Blush

OP posts:
Monty27 · 13/09/2019 05:30

Friday at mine would put me off and I would take control of the situ and make arrangements on how to get home.
That night.
He should try harder Confused

Original poster
UnicornsExist · 13/09/2019 05:33

Monty we both live out in the sticks. Going to a restaurant etc involves one of us not being able to have a drink and quite a bit of driving etc. I think it's quite sweet that he's offered to cook dinner for me.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2019 06:35

Arrange the dog sitting anyway - what does it matter if you come home instead, it's a neighbour not a paid service?

And take a toothbrush in your handbag, not an overnight bag. Then stay if it goes that way and leave otherwise.

Arrange kids stuff for Saturday afternoon so if you stay out, you can get back in time and if you don't, you just have a chilled morning.

Sorted.

Original poster
UnicornsExist · 13/09/2019 06:37

Category12 kind of thinking on those lines. Thanks Grin

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2019 06:55

Yup. Gives you an out as well if you suddenly decide he's awful.

Original poster
UnicornsExist · 15/09/2019 09:59

Well we had a lovely night Grin I didn't stay over because I ended up being asked to work yesterday morning so logistically it would have been complicated. He's not a bad cook. We talked a lot and got a little bit cosy on the sofa. I fancy the pants off him!! Hoping to meet him for a drink this week Grin

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 15/09/2019 10:17

Glad it all went well Unicorns.... good luck - Onwards & upwards 😁

category12 · 15/09/2019 10:21

Sounds promising Glitterball

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