Feelings for an insensitive man

[DarkHorseRider]

I’ve name changed because I’m slightly ashamed.

I have a mate (male) who I have been attracted to since I first met him. Feelings haven’t disappeared over time, only got stronger. He has a partner. I have tried a few times to go no contact but he always draws me back in. I suspect he has some feelings too but is happy and settled and we have never openly discussed it.

My problem is that sometimes he’s really insensitive. He must know how I feel but he sometimes talks about sex with his ex and I just feel so jealous. I know he’s not even with her any more but I still get this inner rage. I have never been a jealous person before.

I don’t know what I’m asking. Maybe just for a bit of cheering up. I feel sad that I’m not with this guy who I feel so strongly about.

You're wasting your time
Block and delete

He doesn’t sound very nice. Is part of the attraction that you know you can’t have him? It’s a choice to maintain contact even though it’s making you unhappy. If it’s hurting then it’s healthy to stop.

Talking about shagging his ex when he’s with you when he’s in another relationship is gross.

Walk away from him and give yourself space to find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them, who is kind and thoughtful and makes you feel amazing. While you’re hung up on him you won’t meet someone else better.

Is part of the attraction that you know you can’t have him?
No, definitely not this.

I’m frustrated because I really really like him and want to keep him in my life. However, it hurts because every time I see him it’s a reminder that he’s not mine.

I also can’t disappear without an explanation and I don’t want to degrade myself by telling him how I feel. I’m not the kind of person who is willing to ghost someone.

Then you neither offer an explanation or ghost, you simply go very low contact and eventually no contact. Happens all the time, is how most people lose touch, no drama.

If he had grown feelings for you he would be breaking off his relationship and pursuing you, he isn't so probably hasn't!

I also can’t disappear without an explanation and I don’t want to degrade myself by telling him how I feel. I’m not the kind of person who is willing to ghost someone.

You need to own your contribution to the situation you’re in. You have choices but you’ve chosen limbo, that’s entirely your prerogative but the consequences of such a decision, is your current situation. “He must know how I feel”, that really shouldn’t be an acceptable statement from a grown woman.

You only get splinters from sitting on the fence.

You can disappear without an explanation if you think he's intentionally taking the piss.

You can't put your feelings aside so you need to respect his relationship.
If you were with a man who had a female friend who was clearly just waiting for him to dump you and fall in love with her, how would you feel?