I want to text my ex.

[MummytoCSJH]

Give me a swift kick up the arse please. Will be 5mo post break up on the 21st.

Don't text your ex.....I had this app on my phone called "Don't Text That Man"....its funnily brilliant and you just open it up and you click through all these messages to stop you from texting....it helped me when I needed it a while ago....if not just keep texting here!

I'll have a look at that app, thanks

Have you had no contact in 5 months?

Think of all the reasons why he is your ex (post them here if it helps). I found this really helpful as it's tempting to just remember when things were really good between you.

Do not do it. I speak from bitter experience. Leave the past where it belongs. Delete, tie your hands behind your back, annoy your friends, write a letter and then burn it. Do anything to stop you from calling. I promise you will regret it if you do.

Pumpkin, no, the last time we had contact was the 24th July. He did live with me so had to find somewhere new to live and then come and get his things (desk, furniture etc that he couldn't take whilst staying in his sister's spare room). Tomorrow will be 50 days of NC. I know it's sad to count but I mark it off on the calendar to remind myself not to do it and breakcthe streak, hoping it fades off on its own and I eventually forget that it's important. Whether he has wanted to contact me or not I don't know as I've blocked him on everything and I explicitly said to him on that day to never contact me again (he wanted to be friends and suggesting meeting up for lunch)! I didn't want to break up, he just left out of the blue so the pro/con/think of why he's your ex doesn't really work for me which makes it harder. There are a few things that looking back weren't perfect but nothing really negative. We were completely fine one day as far as I knew then he changed his mind and left the next morning. He was obviously checked out before that, he just realised he didn't love me. Theres definitely nobody else, just depression and his first relationship so a bit of an issue with commitment I guess.

Hung up on his ex, commitment phone, people who care about others don't ditch them with their heart in tatters. Probably a good liar or emotionally repressed if he was having doubts and there were no clues at all. Depression isn't an excuse for those things (though obviously it is serious and awful in itself) What's there to text for OP, he wasn't offering you what you deserve when he was in your life. No arse kicking but you don't need him or what he's got to offer

Anything happened that's made you feel the need?

It's not sad to not be over someone, but what we're often not over is how we were treated and wanting their validation, not them. You've got this in hand OP, if you need a calendar then so what. It's hard stuff but worth it in the end when you move on, and you will.

I was his first relationship and we'd been together almost 2 years so nothing to do with exes etc. Whatever the reason (it's not exactly clear but what can I do), doesn't matter I guess. I don't need to know as he's told me he realised he doesn't love me so I'll just have to take that at face value. Thank you.

No nothing has happened, nothing big anyway. I keep having dreams about him, just about him coming home from work like he used to or watching Netflix in bed. I wake up and realise he's gone again and I feel it so deep in my chest all over again every morning. I was sad when he came to get his stuff in July and even worse when he suggested as he was leaving that we grab lunch together I practically slammed the door in his face then sent him a text saying please don't contact me again at all. And he hasn't. I don't know if that's because he doesn't want to or because I've told him not to, if that makes sense. I've been fine since then except the last few days I just want to talk to him, so much. Got me crying in bed for no reason. I don't even know if I love him anymore as I know he isn't the man I fell in love with back then.

Think definitely emotionally repressed. Bad childhood, drinking a lot when we met, not taking his antidepressants, miserable at his job. I got him out of that, I helped him get better. He moved in with me out of his narc mothers, I helped him get a new job where he has opportunities, I got him socialising again, he was happy. I had no idea he wasn't happy no indication, no arguments, nothing. Sex life active as normal. He stopped taking his meds again due to issue with his prescription and then a few weeks later he just left. On his birthday evening he got in bed and said he doesn't love me anymore and he wants to break up. He tried to cuddle me, tried to hold my hand. He got up as normal the next morning and I told him to leave. So yes, I do think it's to do with that but like I say I've spent so much time trying to work it out so I could think of the right way to get him back (in the first few weeks after break up) I just need to stop thinking about that. I'm tearing myself up. I keep thinking if I'd have done this/that, gone after him (he sat outside in the car for a good 40 mins after packing his things), gave him a hug when he asked for one as he was leaving, said no you're wrong. Instead I just rolled over and went to sleep. I'm angry at myself and I think that's why I can't stop thinking about it months later.

That ended up longer than I expected and kind of turned into a rant sorry!

Sounds like you need a good rant.
He’s treated you really shabbily.
Why would you want to text someone who’s treated you like that

I know. I feel stupid still wanting to have him in my life after he's clearly shown me who he is! The heart wants what it wants but I'm fighting against that.

Actually, I've been lying to you because I've just remembered that about 2 weeks ago, a few days before the dreams started I set up tinder (just to swipe on an evening, thought why not) and he was the second person who came up. I felt like I been punched in the stomach. Like that was MY boyfriend on there, even though he's not anymore. It makes me feel sick to think of him talking to somebody else the way he used to speak to me. Kissing someone else or some other woman lying in bed next to him. I've made myself cry again by thinking about it

@MummytoCSJH

I’m so sorry. That’s tough. There will always be little things that take you straight back to the pain. And perhaps in your case because it was so sudden it’s so much worse.

Therapist? I know it’s not a magic pill, but it might be good to explore how you ended up being this mans saviour at your own expense. Because though you don’t write much about him, he seems like a very very selfish person

Perhaps, thinking about that, it's deeper than I thought. I was honestly perfectly happy before I met him, focussing on my son and career and honestly I don't think I'd have ended up in a relationship if it had been anyone else because I didn't want one and was very clear on that. I just fell for him. It sounds petty but for lack of a better expression, I MADE him and the life he has now and he's just fucked off! I would rather be angry at him than miss him honestly. We went to New York in February for my birthday, he has videos and pictures on there from the trip which I am tagged in so kept him unblocked to see those until now. I've just blocked him and all of his family members on Facebook. We weren't friends anymore but they still would have been able to see some things. I've also been losing a lot of weight recently so I wanted to post an amazing photo of myself at some point and for him to see, though I know that's sad 😂 He didn't use Facebook before meeting me and when we split he deleted it but he obviously reactivated it to sign up for Tinder. He doesn't really use social media, I know he uses reddit and have to admit I check if he's posted anything almost every day, but I want to get myself out of that habit too. I reckon it's for the best.

Rant away but don't txt.

One day you won’t care. But it’s a long road.
How old was this manchild!!

He's 26. My little boy has gone to his dad's for the weekend so feel even worse being alone on a Friday and Sat night

I know you’re not ready to here this.
But honestly you’re best out of it, with a dick wad of a man who couldn’t even tie his shoelaces until you came along
In the long run.
But I know it isn’t the long run right now

You're right, I know you're right. I'm so logical usually. Everything in my life is down to strict analysis and although it sounds ridiculous, facts and evidence over opinions and feelings. I never really did serious relationships before him for this reason (my son's dad was my best friend for years rather than anything romantic). I know hes a nob of the highest order and he's literally fucked me over right in front of my face - relationships I've had have ended but I've never ever felt like this before. I know it's not going to be forever but I still can't do anything but just feel it :( thank you for your support I really do appreciate it.