Going through a long drawn out break up where exP has been in and out of the family home for the past two years. He has a drink problem which he finally admitted last summer after two years of gaslighting me and creating huge rows about anything to detract from the real problem. He still hasn't done anything about the problem, he will stop drinking but not seek help or confront the underlying causes. Finally enough was enough.
I've just read back my two old threads and am still so angry about all the things from the past as he made me feel I was going mad and Was a nag or controlling. I see through him now but he's still trying to manipulate me and its so hard to see things straight without advice.
anyway the main problem now is he finally has his own place instead of sleeping on relatives or friends sofas and guilting me into letting him move back in.
We have no structured arrangement for visiting two DC, oldest is not his but he is seeing them too. It's very all over the place as he wants to see younger DC as much as he can and his flexible hours allow for this. I'm facilitating this to an extent for many reasons, good for DC, good for me as need the break, guilty for him not living with them and so on.
However, I feel like I'm stuck in the relationship. I'm having to speak to him all day every day, see him nearly every day and have him in my home at least 5/6 times a week. I hate it and feel he still has control over me as I know if I say anything it will create a huge row. I just want this to stop, the relief I felt at him moving out two months ago (as had kept coming back other times) has worn off because I'm just drained from this constant having to talk to him, getting questioned about what I'm doing if I don't want to talk to him etc etc
We've said going forward he will have them EOW and the youngest also a night midweek, but there's no sign of that arrangement starting.
We've argued this evening as he said he wants to come here and see the children Christmas morning and I said we would have to discuss options as I didn't want t that. He did his usual passive aggressive waking away and underbreath saying oh yeah it has to be your way, always your way. This hit a nerve and I said its hardly my way or you wouldn't be here every day.he then raised his voice which meant the kids would hear and started saying how nasty I was and why was I being so awful and making everything so hard and doing underhanded comments at him. He didn't let me get a word in and continued to talk loudly and mock me.
How can I sort this situation I feel stuck. I don't want him here everyday. I know he will be back to Mr nice guy in a day or two and if I don't play along I will get asked why I've changed and questioned about who I must be messaging.