My wife says no sex ?

[Confusedhubby30]

Be gentle as this is my first time doing this !

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for nearly 5, we have a little boy 2 years.

She has some problems that make sex uncomfortable and I have always been supportive for her. We have gone 2 years without sex and no sexual contact on both sides before baby was born, she managed to have sex with me to conceive, now baby is here and we havnt had sex since, I do try and I always get shot down. Now she has said she has no interest in it and sex is the last thing on her mind ? Is this normal? Sorry for dodgy spelling my English isn't so good.

You mention your English (which is fantastic, I'm assuming you're not English first language), has this been a cultural match, an arranged marriage? It doesn't explain the pain during sex but what if she were asexual and unable to disclose this due to what she perceived is expected of her, so there is some sex round your marriage and to leisure a child, but otherwise there isn't any physical affection at all?

Clutching at straws. She sounds selfish or she sounds unable to deal with whatever is causing her to feel pain during sex.

Last bit didn't sound right. It's easy to decide on a forum what the issue is but it could be anything

Sex is the glue in a relationship, it keeps you together through the bad times. Each partner should try to ensure the other is satisfied as far as reasonably possible and the OPs wife is not doing this. To take sex off the agenda for an indefinite period is unreasonable. If penetration is painful then there are other ways, but to refuse all contact is not acceptable and puts the relationship in jeopardy. You need to have a serious talk with her, you are still young it is not fair to expect you to forego sex for the rest of your life.

When you have tried to have sex was it a mutual thing where you stimulated your wife?

Have you tried taking sex of the table and just having some intimacy for a while to see if that makes things better?

She has been to doctor and the conditions is one that makes it uncomfortable mentally and sometimes physically. leaving her can't be an option as I love her she is fun to be with, we get on really well and do generally enjoy archives company and we love our baby, leaving would mean less time with little one and I already don't see him enough for my liking ! For the first few years we were together the sexual action was crazy, she's never been to keen on performing oral but I loved to give and she (really) loved to receive sometimes for a solid hour. I kind of understand how the problem can put her off wanting oral from time to time through fear of not being clean enough (She is very clean, never a complaint. It's all mental) I feel if I try and bring it up again and it spurred her to perform a sexual act on me it wouldn't be enjoyable through fear of her feeling like she's being pushed into it. I want to support her through this so she feels better but I'm afraid she will never get over it.

Do you cuddle, hug, rub etc without sex being part of it?

Are you happy going the rest of your life without sex?

We do cuddle, and kiss (only ever peck) and we chose to marry no arranging

I agree with itsmecathycomehome.

I know a man who had sex with his wife 5 times in a 15 yr marriage.
They had 3 children who never saw love and affection between their parents.
He loves his children but says he should have gone 10 years earlier.
The older children live with him and the youngest will move in soon.
She was a cold wife and is a cold mother too.

She is being unreasonable. Moreover, she has utterly disregarded your reasonable expectations within a marriage. She has unilaterally changed the emotional contract that existed between you. You owe her nothing. If a man behaved in a way that was similarly dismissive of a woman’s emotional needs he would be lambasted as controlling, manipulative and abusive. My advise is for you to get your inner game together. See yourself as the healthy and normal one within the relationship and go and get a social life that might lead to you meeting someone else. Be of the mindset that, should you get caught, you are merely giving away the part of you that holds no value to her so she can’t complain.
She has the right to be celibate but she doesn’t have the right to insist you are.

Or you could just carry on like this and be miserable for the rest of your life. Your choice.

Well then it sounds like you have made your decision - you know nothing will change but will not leave.

I think it's abusive of her to make this decision unilaterally, and to refuse to seek help.

I think you're being a doormat and will become increasingly sad about the situation. I think that in five, ten, fifteen years you will wish that you had left earlier.

I can't imagine that she is happy either, not really.

Couples counselling could resolve this issue, if you could get her to go.

Please encourage your W to seek professional help as in counselling.
She has a deep routed anxiety. You see the result - no sex. But I feel there's a issue. That is her anxiety and this may grow and get in the way of other life routines. Her fear of being unclean etc. It's really ringing alarm bells.

There isn't much you can do really
She doesn't want to have sex - whether that's just with you or with anyone - and you don't want to leave her, so you have to live with it.