Sorry if this is long but want to try and get everything out, Me and dp been together 10 years. Ds13 from previous relationship and ds6 together. 3 months ago we went out to a party and dp behaved really badly towards me, ignored me for the whole time we were there and basically acted like a single man. It all came to a head after a couple of days not talking where I told him I was appalled with his behaviour and wouldn’t stand for it, he apologised and said he took full responsibility and said he thought he was depressed and taking it out on me and kids. He saw a doctor who he said gave him antidepressants and told him to come back in 3/4 weeks to review.
It was a shock for me as I had no idea he felt that way but it also made me reflect on our relationship and realise things were not good. We were more like roommates than partners and I felt he was so strict with the kids it was like living on an army base, I realised that the carefree parent I used to be had slowly been changed to follow the rules dp had set and that life was about following rules and setting alarms for the kids to make sure they were doing things at allocated times and for set periods. As an example they would be allowed 1 hour of computer time but only if they had done 3 different 30 minute activities away from a screen first, each activity must be done with a 30 minute timer set or it didn’t count. Dp doesn’t like the kids on screens but never joins in any games or takes them out anywhere.
I told him going forward he had to join in with family life, make sure he spent quality time with both kids and that we would also make sure we had time to work on us as a couple.
We are now 3 months down the line, as a couple I think we are fine and do now spend more time together but I feel that he is still to strict and micromanages the kids time, he seemed to make abit of effort at first to do more especially with ds13 who he rarely spends time with but this has again stopped and he never went back to the doctor after the first visit.
I asked a few times when he was going back and he kept saying he had 8 weeks of tablets so would go before they ran out, he hasn’t
We have a big family holiday coming up in 4 weeks which I see as the deciding point for our future as I feel I am waiting for him to revert back to old ways, start being really strict again and not participate much during the holiday which will mean I end it when we come back.
Every night once the kids are in bed I think I will ask why he hasn’t been back to the doctors but I haven’t as I feel that conversation will lead to me saying nothing will change so we may as well end it all and I don’t feel I can do that with our holiday just a few weeks away.
Not sure what advice I want and maybe just needed to get out how I feel but if you managed to read all that thank you