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Help me give my head a wobble

3 replies

TheLittleHouse · 11/09/2019 13:08

NC for this, as I don't want it being linked with my other posts about family life Sad

My DH has amazon prime, so I usually order through his account. Looking at Christmas presents for him (I know it's early but I like to be organised and spread the cost) I realised that I was logged in to his account. Went to browsing history to delete so that he wouldn't see what I was planning to buy him from my own account. Found porn there, and it has made me feel awful.

I know he watches porn. My line is drawn at anything interactive, so this doesn't cross the line discussed with him.

However, it is for a very specific type of porn that I don't feel comfortable with. I had no idea he fantasises about that. I know I can't censor what he enjoys though, so need to get over it. I feel really shaken though.

The other thing is the full frontal nudity on the picture makes me feel shit. I try not to compare myself to other women, but I am fat, and short, with saggy boobs, and certainly not anybody that anyone would ever fantasise about. We haven't had sex in a long time and I am aware he probably doesn't find me very attractive anymore. I never expected to feel this way about it, but I do. The actress makes me feel completely inadequate.

Please tell me how to shake it off and forgot I saw this?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/09/2019 14:27

Why are you not having sex? Is that down to you or him?

gamerchick · 11/09/2019 14:35

You're looking at this upside down. Is there at least any intamacy in your relationship?

TheLittleHouse · 11/09/2019 15:14

It's probably down to both of us to be fair. We have an 18 month old who is a terrible sleeper, and a 5 year old who sleeps through the night most nights but tends to go to sleep at about the time the 1.5 year old wakes up for the first time. We both work full time too. We haven't had any time just the two of us for months, I have been run down and catching every bug going over the summer.

We cuddle and kiss, but no sexual contact in a long time. It wasn't like this after my first child.

I do think my appearance has something to do with it. I look at least 10 years older than I did pre-kids, and I'm 2 dress sizes bigger.

He, however, seems to just get better looking with age and is in great shape.

OP posts:
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