Why is he so sure he could get full custody?

[Defeated10]

So background, split with ex almost 3 years ago. I left and went into a women's refuge. He was emotionally/mentally/financially abusive. Very malnipitive and calculating in his words and actions. We only really became amicable about 8/9 months ago. All was fine until he told me he had a girlfriend and now they are no longer amicable. He is blunt, argumentative and difficult. Yesterday I asked for helped as our DS was ill and couldn't go to nursery I don't get paid sick pay and he knows this. So I asked if he could have him a few hours while I went into work and grabbed my laptop so I could work from home. All hell broke lose and he became nasty tw8sting things and saying why should he help me out. I explained if I don't have money how can I pay bills etc so this would impact our son too so I didn't think I was being unreasonable to ask for help. Anyway then later on he begins calling me all sorts and saying he wants out DS more. I say no because he almost has him half the nights in the month and I said I don't think it's in DS interests to keep being passed between us when our routine is good. We have had this routine since I left him. Then he starts saying oh I will go for full custody if you don't let me have him more. I said you won't get it and he said oh I wouldn't be so sure. Logically I think he would get 50/50 max but he's got in my head and I'm thinking what does he think he has on me. The only thing I can think about is my depression or anxiety which I'm on tablets for and it's controlled. I'm a good mum and put my DS first always. Unless he makes up stuff about me and become malnipulitive. I saw a thread on here about the women's ex taking their DD and I could imagine him doing this and then the courts ruled in his favour! So I'm worrying and thinking could be make stuff up?
Sorry if this seems like in rambling I'm just worried and upset. My DM thinks this is just another form of control to get me to give him more days. Anyone got any advice or help?

[Ozziewozzie]

@Hollowtalk
I completely agree. Having said that, it’s more often than not an empty threat. So many men genuinely have no idea how much money it actually costs to raise a child. If they want to save money, then it’s iften cheaper to simply pay the maintenance.
Sadly, so many ex partners are like this, and it often makes me really feel for those lovely dads who would move heaven and earth to provide for their children.
It’s shocking to think just how many controlling, manipulative, abusive fathers are actually out there. I have 3 sons and I am determined to ensure they are NOT going to reflect this in anyway.
Surprisingly, I’m also shocked at how many of these ‘dads’ mothers, enable and support them.
I’d like to think I’d slap my boys silly with a wet fish so to speak if they so much as considered neglecting their role.

[Defeated10]

Thanks every one sorry it's taken me a while to reply, took DS to A & E as he's poorly. But I have been reading your replies. Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I also was put more at ease last night at ex reaction to us being taken to hospital in an ambulance. I asked if he was coming to the hospital and he was making excuses and delaying coming up. Either because he was with his gf or because he was doing his hobby. I asked where he was and he told me he was tidying up 🤨. So how on earth is a man like this going to have full custody.
Also in so grateful my parents can see the full extent of his abuse now. They didn't think he was that bad until now because he used to be clever and behave in front of them being the perfect parent. My DM can see it all now which makes me happy because he always blames me, says in unreasonable when I've asked for any kind of help.
He does pay maintenance and he absolutely hates it and I feel this is what is driving his to say 50/50 or full custody. I've told him before find take me to court it's not even me about receiving money from you. That shut him up that I weren't bothered or rely on his money. This guy infuriates me. I can't believe some one would play games with a child involved just because they hate paying the mother of their child money

[JustmeandtheKIDS2]

Hey hope your sons OK. X
Are you keeping a diary of his behaviour? When you talk about full custody do you mean he wants a residency order or that he wants the child full time and you don't get to see him?
If it's for him to have residency then courts tend to go with the status quo. So if he lives with you and there are no conserns then it would not be in his best interests to get residency, so please don't worry.
Has he asked after or seen his son since he's been in hospital? Has he shown any consern?
I remember being in hospital with one of my children my x was texting me all sorts of abuse saying I was lowing about being in hospital etc etc. His own barrister told him off a out his behaviour when we went to court.

[Defeated10]

No I haven't kept a diary. I always think as these pointless because it's just he said and she said.
He means that we switch places and so I have our DS the days he has now. But my argument was ok well are you going to go part time then? He said no my parents would help me. I doubt they would!
He's asked a couple of times about him. I've just sent blunt replies. He's also tried tell me what I should do like he knows best.

[PicsInRed]

Start that diary. You'd be surprised how useful it can be just to be able to read it back to yourself and know that you aren't crazy and he really is that bad. It can also make for powerful information in family proceedings, where you have details, times, places, dates. Put all communications you can into email. Emails are also very, very useful for proceedings.

[JustmeandtheKIDS2]

I've used it in family Court! I have so many issues that it would be easy to forget when things happen as it all kind of moulds onto one.
Also if he keeps on cancelling contact use a Callander to indicate when he should have them and when he actually does.

[OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole]

I hope that your ds recovers soon, poor boy.

Keep all communication with him via email, that way you have time stamped proof of his shitty behaviour. So block him from all other communication means. Emails can be used as 'legal documents' and will help keep a 'record' of his behaviour.

Tell him to go ahead, knock himself out and apply for what ever he wants, he is unlikely to be granted it as he is not being 'child centered'.

He is just another dead beat dad with a huge chip on his shoulder bullying a woman because he is an infantile entitled cunt.

for you Defeated10

[OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole]

Ps sceen-shot his texts and email them to yourself. You may need these in the future.

[CatBat76]

This thread has shocked me. Why would any parent want their child to grow up without spending 50/50 time with each parent, something that repeated studies have shown to be in the best interests of the child?! Unless child is at risk of significant harm from that parent, in which case there can be supervised contact. And not to see their father at all? Nor any of their paternal family? That’s not knowing half of their identity and being deprived of a huge part of a child’s life and sense of self. That’s surely child abuse leading to hugely negative outcomes for them in their adult life and relationships

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

What on earth are you going on about, Catbat? Nobody on this thread is stopping dads seeing their children. Posters are discussing abusive, deadbeat dads who barely show up for minimal contact hours but use 50/50 or 100% residency, which they have no genuine intent of seeking and are far too selfish and flaky to actually do, as a threat.

[WellButterMyArse]

He's saying that because they all do. He may not actually even think it.

[formerbabe]

Loads of men threaten this...vast majority wouldn't even want full custody as it would severely limit their career/social life/romantic relationships.

[PicsInRed]

Studies show that 50/50 isn't in the best interests of both small children and also those children of parents involved in considerable conflict (i.e. one parent abusive/controlling).

It only works with a considerable amount of amicability and cooperation.

Google again.

[Echobelly]

Men who are used to gaslighting and emotionally manipulating their partner seem to love the threat that they will get full custody because they know it will make their ex partner doubt herself and worry that he must have something up his sleeve, but they're just playing on the old dynamic in the hope they'll get concessions, nothing more.