So, I did what everyone advises not to do, and dated someone I worked with. At the time he seemed really confident, but I soon found out he was quite clingy and didn’t like socialising.
My first ever boyfriend was the same - he started confident but I soon found he wanted to spend time with only me. This worked quite well for a while and we never even argued, but the relationship went downhill very quickly after we moved in together. Unfortunately, I stayed with him way too long as I had lost all my friends because I had spent all my time with him and I couldn’t afford to move out. I promised I would never put myself in that position again.
Two relationships on and I basically have. I love my boyfriend, but he gets jealous and doesn’t like spending time with my friends. He doesn’t mean too, but he makes me feel guilty about spending time with them alone (I’m female and they are all male - but I work in IT so there isn’t much I can do).
Two years on and we are working closer together than we ever intended to. We are in a small department which has done wonders for our career prospects.
Sometimes we get on really well, but sometimes he goes to phases where he randomly shouts at me or repeatedly sulks for no real reason. I found out part of it was that he was jealous of me for getting better projects and funding, despite him being more senior. Unfortunately I can’t fix that because we have different skills.
I’m not claiming that I am perfect, but at least I try and talk to him when something is wrong. He just goes quiet and I have no idea what he is thinking.
Sorry this is so long.
I love my job, colleagues and boyfriend but I am not happy about where I live - the commute is too long and buying a house is too expensive. We talked about buying a house together but he knows I don’t want to. We have been together nearly 3 years but I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can break up with someone again. I try not to think about it, but I am also worried it won’t work long term. We are too different and I don’t think we can compromise on enough things.
I want to apply for jobs in another city, but I don’t know how to do this when mentioning buying a house alone or changing jobs in the same city seems to upset him. He just goes quiet looks annoyed and says ‘do whatever’.
The city I want to apply to has much cheaper housing, a much shorter commute and I have friends there.
I don’t know what do to. I don’t know how to apply for jobs too far away without upsetting him, but I don’t want to apply behind his back.
It would break my heart, but I considered breaking up just so I have the freedom to apply and I wouldn’t be messing him around.
But I think I love him too much and it would ruin our current job for both of us - it would affect his career as well.
At the moment we have a really strong team and he always has my back. I know he is too emotional to support me if I break up with him (pretty sure he would hate me).
I admit I am worried we won’t be able to stay together forever (and I know he knows that), but he won’t talk to me about it. I love him and love how things are now - but i can’t see a way to move on.
I feel terrible when he refuses to talk properly talk about anything.
I am just going round in circles...
Breaking up seems bad because I might not move away at all. The process would drag on for months and we would be left in the ‘will they/won’t they void.’
I’ve been in a relationship where my boyfriend was applying for jobs in other places and I know it’s horrible. I don’t want to put him though that.
I just don’t know what else to do.