Listen to my gut, but what's it telling me?

[Thistledew]

This is a bit of an odd one. Not sure it belongs in relationships but don't know where else to post it. My head is in a bit of a jumble and I would really appreciate some thoughts as to how to sort it out.

This is all to do with a potential house move.

The story starts at the beginning of this summer. Three of our sets of friends and neighbours on our street all decided for their own reasons to put their houses for sale and to move. In a moment of idle curiosity, I started thinking about the possibility of moving and if we did so, where we would go. DH, DS and I live in the house we bought 9 years ago. 3 years ago we completed an extensive renovation and extension project and the house is just how we want it and beautifully finished. However, it is not a big house and DS's toys are definitely taking over. Also, I am now pregnant, and with two DC the house would not be impossible, but it will start to be crowded and require some careful rearrangement and storage solutions.

My idle curiosity about where we might move to led me to see a house that I instantly became obsessed with. It is significantly larger, is in a nice area, and is usually within the catchment area of a school that I would love to send DS to next September (this is a bit of a gamble as the catchment area has on some years contracted to much closer to the school, but I think we have a decent chance of getting him in there). The downsides to the property is that it is a bit closer to a busy junction than I would really prefer, and significantly, it is a real 'doer upper' and will need a lot of work and money thrown at it over the next few years. However, I really enjoy DIY so this is not too daunting a prospect.

The house was initially on the market for much more than we could hope to afford and I tried to put it out of my mind. However, I couldn't let it drop and found myself waking at night thinking about it. This lessened a bit when it went under offer and was taken off the market, but I still couldn't stop thinking about it. However, a month or so later it was back on the market and the price had dropped a bit.

By this time, DH and I had been thinking a bit more about following our friends' lead and moving. As much as we love how our house is now, it was never intended to be our 'forever' house. We started looking around but were not seeing anything that excited us in terms of property or location. I convinced DH to go and view this house that I was still obsessed over, thinking that maybe at least once I had seen it I might be put off by its disadvantages and be able to drop it. However, that didn't happen and seeing it still made me want it. DH also saw the potential and was up for its challenges. We then put in an offer significantly below the asking price. This was rejected, but the vendors did come back and say that they would accept an offer that was significantly lower than the current asking price. Having done some sums, spoken to our mortgage company etc, we realised that provided we get a good price for our house we can in fact afford it!

So, our beautiful, but small, house is now on the market. And surely I should now be excited and happy? But the reason I am posting here now is that every time I now think of moving to the new house I get this knot of anxiety in my stomach and nearly feel sick. I don't know how to understand it. Is it just the thought of undertaking the work, living in a house that is less than wonderful, tying up our finances etc for a number of years, all whilst juggling a new baby? Or should I be listening to what my gut is telling me and abandon the idea?

Sorry for the essay, and thanks for reading it. I would appreciate any help in sorting my head out.

It could be like this because you are super excited about it.
Moving house is one of the most stressful things a human can do.
So it makes sense to be anxious about it all.
Is it a feeling of 'dread'?
How would you feel if you dropped out of the sale and then saw it back on and someone else buying it?
I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what you are feeling.
But everything happens for a reason!

Thanks for replying.

The odd thing is that I have tried to visualise how I would feel if it didn't go through - a technique I often use to make difficult decisions - and I just get a blank. Normally doing this exercise will evoke a strong feeling one way or another.

We are about to move to a bigger house that needs work and while I'm mostly excited, I am also a bit daunted, and so is DH.

I think it's natural.

The other thing is that I am finding it really difficult to get a 'vision' of my future for the next year or so at all. I'm only 10 weeks into the pregnancy but don't really feel connected to it at all at the moment. I can't yet visualise the baby actually being here or how that will change my life.

As someone who has always spent quite a lot of time thinking and planning for what the future will hold I feel very stuck in the 'now', which is really quite disconcerting.

I'd be concerned that they lost a buyer, and were willing to drop price significantly, due to a survey issue, so don't get too set on it just yet.

We've already had a builder look round it with us, so have a good idea of what the issues are. We will get a survey done as well but I'm not too concerned. I understand that it was a developer who was interested before and that one of the reasons that they pulled out was because it was overpriced and so there was not sufficient profit margin to make it worthwhile.

The main issue with regards to the price is that it is at the end of the road near the busy junction. Go even 4 doors up the road and the price can justifiably go up by £50K. The vendors have not taken this into account with their asking price.

As someone currently juggling a house renovation/extension, a newborn and a toddler...may I suggest you think long and hard about the upheaval it will cause.

Crazy amounts of dust, a house that just never feels clean, constantly changing rooms, moving furniture & adapting sleeping arrangements as different parts of the house are updated, temporary storage for all your stuff, keeping your kids safe around a building site. It is stressful & if I could go back in time, I’m not sure I would’ve committed to it @ this stage of my life.

But my husband is a builder...and alas, he talked me round to it. I just want it to finished soon!!

Having said all that, the pain is temporary... and I know I’ll end up with a lovely home. Eventually.

I’m thinking your gut is telling your worried about your future with your relationship? Your worried about getting in deeper with more expense and more work?

Maybe there is something in that -

I'm not too worried about the work on the house. It is fundamentally sound so once we have re-done the central heating and got it re-wired (which we can budget for) it will only be cosmetic work (which we are quite happy to tackle ourselves).

I suppose I am worried about spreading ourselves very thin emotionally. I just feel I am back on a more even keel after the arrival of DS, who is just 3, and have been able to spend a little more headspace on my relationship with DH and re-building my career. I am hoping that DC 2 is not going to be such a life change and not take up quite so much emotional direction, so that managing a house renovation as well is not going to be the straw that breaks us.

There are structural stuff that we would want to do, but it is not urgent and we may suddenly find ourselves with the budget for it in the next 6 months to 3 years.