Am I overreacting and oversensitive?

[BohemianDream]

I've already posted this in the sex threads but I doubt I will get many replies so here goes.
I need some opinions on this please as I am unable to talk to anyone about this IRL.

My partner has continued to visit live cam porn sites over the course of our long term relationship(2 young children) . I have repeatedly asked him not to and tried to explain how much it hurts me, he promises not too and then he does again. I invade his privacy by looking through his phone, but I know that I will usually find some trace of it.
I sometimes convince myself that it doesn't matter, that it's just a quick wank and if it means nothing to him then it should mean nothing to me too. But in reality it hurts that he just can't seem to respect my opinion and stop. I have never tried to completely stop him from watching porn as I know that he is just a person, I can't police everything he does and I'm not going to fulfill his every need.
I think he likes the thrill of the live element. He has denied ever paying for it, and he is generally pretty tight with money so I do believe that. Though I'm at the stage that I don't think it makes a huge difference.

A part of me hates him for this, and it's turned me into a jealous, paranoid person.
I'm hugely insecure about my body, and it really bothers me that he is viewing such perfect women...not porn star fake perfect, but everyday pre children, pre breastfeeding, pre vaginal birth vaginas. Maybe I'm taking it to heart too much because of how I feel about myself?
I know I give this way too much thought than it is worth, and I think I would leave him if I wasn't then disrupting the lives of our children.
He's very supportive in most other areas and I know he loves me, I do trust that he wouldn't physically cheat.. but this always brings me down in the end.
I'd like to know if anyone would leave in this situation or if I am just an overreacting jealous mad woman.
Thank you if you've made it to the end of this very long and dull post, I can't believe that I am really posting this it seems utterly pathetic.

Everybody has their limits and their dealbreakers. Some people would put up with some things that others wouldn't...
The fact is. It really upsets you. You have communicated this to him yet he continues to do it regardless.
I personally don't mind porn but the line has been crossed with the live aspect of things. I would also hate this!

He says he isn't paying for it? Well I don't know how... all cam models charge a fee.....

Hi Gemma. You don't have to pay to watch, I know this as I've looked. The showscare not always private.

You're not overreacting or being oversensitive. He knows you don't like him using other womens bodies for entertainment and doesn't care enough to stop. That would make anyone feel like shit I'd think.

There are definitely free websites for kind of thing, I’ve viewed them. Personally I wouldn’t have a problem (if he was just using the free element). It this is your line. You have clearly said where your line is and you have told him how it effects you. He is dismissing your feelings and invalidating them, and disrespecting you. Putting his own selfish wants over your needs.

I think you have a few options. Learn to be ok with it, as he we will never change. Go to couples counselling. Leave.

He has shown that time and time again he will not stop, and there are no repercussions. So he will continue to watch them.

No to either overreacting or being over sensitive, if anything you have completely underreacted here possibly out of fear of his own reaction.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is keeping you and this man at all together?. Mainly the kids?. Do not stay with such a man because of the children either.

What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?. He knows that to date you have not left him and there are seemingly no consequences from you for his ongoing porn viewing.

Porn addict. Enjoy the mental fuckery! Or leave, something I highly advise.

Let's put it this way, your partner says to you 'hey, don't do as it really hurts me', there are 101 alternatives to whatever is. Do you a. Not do anymore and feel horrible that you have upset your partner so and do all you can to apologise and make him feel loved again. Or b, continue to do because, well, fuck him, who cares about his feelings, they don't matter, only my own gratification does.

Its a no brainer right. People who choose option b are rotten human beings with no respect for their partner, who only care about themself. Your partner falls into that category. Ge's nice and respectful sometimes? SO WHAT?!

Get shot. He is walking all over you because there are no repicutions to his actions. But even so, there shouldn't need to be repicutions as the fact that it hurts someone he is supposed to love, should be enough for anyone.

He sucks.

You want him to stop doing something he wants to do and he's not doing. That's the Crux of it. You have a line where he doesn't believe there should be a line (like some men don't like their wives/gfs using vibrators).

What he's doing isn't inherently harmful, and you can definitely view these models without paying, but it's up to you to decide if it's worth nuking your relationship over.

What I would say is that if you're insecure about this, you're not doing yourself any favours by snooping on him.

It hurts you and he still does it. Is it a dealbreaker for you? It would be for me.

Sorry its removed my ' - ' spaces (I used 4 stars) so dunno if above post makes sense now lol.

'Hey don't do (a) as...'

The other question is - does he satisfy you in bed? Or save all his sexual energy for wanking over someone random online?

Yep - I was about to ask about your sex life.
Do you have a good healthy sex life?
If not then something has to change.
If this is your deal-breaker then you need to make that abundantly clear to him.
He's basically a porn addict.
I was with one and it's no fun at all.
Knocks your confidence and makes you feel like you are not enough.
I got out!
It's a fine line between watching porn and the fantasy to making that fantasy a reality. As I found out!

But we didn't have children together.
Could you manage if you separated?
Are you financially independent or a SAHM relying on his wage?

I wouldn't like this either.
He sounds like he cares more about his own selfish gratification than your feelings

Sex life has always been fantastic.
I know this isn't an addiction, but I know that when the moment strikes that this is what he will watch. When I have so often got upset about and asked him not to. It's like what I don't know can't hurt me, and I don't think he likes me telling him what is okay and what is not okay.

I think you are right @Pinkbonbon, I just wish it was easier to walk away.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.