Did you marry someone who was divorced and if so were they cynical or devoted to the marriage?

[Greyknees]

About 6 months ago I met a lovely man who had been divorced a year. I didn’t hear from him after the first date and I didnt follow up.

He messaged me a week ago and we’ve been messaging ever since. He’s really fun to chat with and seems keen to meet again...asked me out this weekend and seems a lot more settled than the last time we spoke. He’s bought a house now and just seems very much over the divorce. It wasn’t like he talked about it much last time we met but I could tell he was practically still a bit all over the place and unsettled.

Anyway...getting to the point. I am always writing people off so of course I have latched onto the fact he is divorced and now I am wondering whether he would even take marriage seriously given he’s been bitten once already. Am I being silly?

I realise this is very ahead of the game to even have the thought of marriage and just to be clear that’s not what I am saying! But I also don’t want to get wrapped up in something where that value is different. Marriage is important to me

Has anyone married someone who was previously divorced? Are they devoted to you or totally cynical about marriage?

Ask him...

Devoted to me. And me to him as this is also my second marriage.

It has come up in conversation. He just said he was open to marriage. Obviously it isn’t a conversation we are going to have with any seriousness at this point.

I guess what I’m getting at is do men who marry twice have less enthusiasm and dedication to the marriage? Are they always scarred by the breakdown of the first so they are permanently cynical about it?

I'm my husband second wife and we have a lovely relationship and marriage.(12 years in its still going well anyway!!)

He was only 18 when he met his first wife. She left him a year after they got married in their mid 20s. Luckily he wasn't bitter at all. They had no assets so nothing to argue about and unusually, my DH "kept" the children (amicably!) is no arguments even about that.

Some divorcees are, some aren't. Just chat to him about it, in general terms!

I think it’s more that even if he’s open to marriage will he really be that fully engaged with it and feel the same way about it as someone being married for the first time?

We are both on 2nd marriage and both feel we work harder, commit more and have a far happier marriage this time round.

People are individuals. They're all different. Being divorced doesn't define who he is, or what attitudes he will have towards marriage. It's just a set of circumstances.

Personally, I'd rather stir my own eyes with a spoon than get married again. Whereas my sister has married a lovely guy who is divorced, but worships the ground she walks on and loves being married again.

There's no way a group of strangers on the internet can tell you what attitude a man they've never met will have towards marriage. You'll have to talk to him. And finding out what makes people tick is pretty much what dating is for - just enjoy it 🙂

Surely this depends on the individual, their feelings about marriage and their experience of the previous marriage breakdown. You can't generalise to all divorced people.

I'm in the process of a divorce and I have a different perspective on this. I am certainly more realistic about marriage now and less idealistic but I don't think that makes me cynical.
If I was to get married again it would mean even more because I would be going into it fully aware of the potential pitfalls and the frailty of love.
If by 'fully engaged' you mean hopelessly naive, as I was in my first marriage, then no, I wouldn't do that again. I wouldn't trust someone completely and allow myself to become dependant on them because I believe they will 'love me forever.' I don't think that's a bad thing.