Am I doing the right thing?

[YellowFlower]

Am in the process of moving back in with my ex DP after 10 years apart and discovered tonight he's secretly seeing a married woman. He says he loves me and our DS and wants us to grow old together but he doesn't want to have sex with me. He doesn't know I know about the other woman - I saw a message from her on his phone and from its content they are definitely having sex. He left me when DS was 18 months old for an OW who then left him 4 years later. Prevously we were together for 7 years and he had never cheated. Sunce the OW left we've been getting closer and I was starting to trust him again. My only other option is to move 2 hours from him as I can't afford to live in this area alone (friend I was renting with before has now bought a small flat with her DH). We get on really well and are best friends but the thought of the other women is making me sick. Should I stay for the sake of our DS who is 11 or move?

He is ripping the piss out of you
Again

But if I leave my DS who has just started high school will have to change schools and won't see his dad. Am worried about the impact on my DS and if it is better for my DS if I wait until he is 18 to go

Dont you want more?

You are worth more.

He sees you as the easy option. He can have sex with whoever's he likes and you will be trapped. Move now before your son settles.

Yes I would like more and if it was just me I would leave, but if it was just me I would never have considered coming back in the first place. I'm concerned about my son and am worried that moving away from his dad and so in all likelihood barely seeing him would be damaging for my DS. I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is

Not as damaging as growing up in a dysfunctional household.

He will model his future relationships on you 2.

Does EXDH pay maintenance? Could he? Would this improve your position?

Prevously we were together for 7 years and he had never cheated

I'm sorry but you need to reframe this as "Previously we were together for 7 years and until he buggered off with another woman, I didn't have a clue he was cheating."

If you decide to stay in the area for the sake of facilitating your son's relationship with his dad, then do it with your eyes open. Tell your ex you know he's knocking boots with someone else and therefore your relationship will simply be one of housemates.

He has no respect nor true love for you. You're going to be miserable, worried about who he might be seeing behind your back - does your son deserve 2 miserable parents together or 2 happy separated parents?

It will be less upheaval for your son if you don't move back in with DP and go straight back to the cheaper area you could live in. If you move in with DP now you can't possibly be happy knowing that he won't have sex with you and is clearly in another relationship. This will only cause DS more stress when he see the effect of it on you.
You and your DS deserve better than this.

How did he behave towards your son in the time you were separated?

Did he pay a reasonable amount of cm? Did he see and treat well your son?

My ex cheated I have been asked if I could ever have forgiven him/taken him back.

It was always no because aside from the cheating he's treated dd like shit and never paid cm properly.

You deserve better of course but so does your son!

He deserves a stable, functional home where some husband of a woman your supposed "d" p is shagging could come round arguing the odds, or she could come round kicking off if he dumps her or she gets pregnant or whatever.