Bit of a long post, so will try to cut it short. I grew up mainly with my grandparents, as my mother and father worked long hours, in a very good career.
When they were at their home it was easier for me and my younger sibling to just stay with our grandma, as both my parents had to rest and wanted to relax. I remember all the times I was longing to see them, and finally go live with mum and dad like all my school friends.
We were not a family in a troubled situation, and I think most people envied the fact that my parents had a stable, satisfactory work. When I was around 12 my grandma started being ill and confronted my mother on the fact that she had never really parented, reminding her that she had two daughters, who were growing up practically without her.
My parents decided to reduce their hours and we moved in together. That was a massive mistake. My mother was hypercritical, anything I did annoyed her, and I remember dreading spending time together. It could be anything I said or did (like yawning or blinking), and she would mock me, say nasty things (especially regarding my appearance). I cried everyday and she would despair at how weak I was and tell me I wasn't going to do anything in life.
She was never critical of my sister, and allowed her to do whatever pleased her, and to behave as she wished. If I pointed out it was unfair she would just laugh and say: "That's what happens when you are the older one".
Anyway, fast forward, now I'm married with a child, and expecting my second (a girl). I just send my parents pictures and make polite talk but nothing more. I know if I try to open myself up she will hurt me badly (happened recently) and am really wary.
I suppose the question is: if you had a parent a bit like mine, how did it help shape your relationship with your children?