No family contact

[bonitakitlee]

My husband and I both come from dysfunctional families and though all our parents have passed, due to various dramas mainly drugs and crime related, neither of us have any contact with siblings. Though this does not bother my husband, I am really struggling with this. I am having counselling and feel extremely lonely.

I have thought of trying once again to try and establish a relationship with them, but over the years every time I have tried it has all fallen apart very quickly and they are back to going over the past endlessly or being verbally aggressive. I don't cope with this as I left home at 15 to get away from all the trauma in my parents house. We don't have children or any other wider family in the UK. I am just so lonely and despairing all the time, but I can't deal with the dramas of contact either.

I just wondered if any one can either advise or relate to this.

I’m in a similar position. You keep hoping they’ll change but they won’t. People don’t. Having your own kids helps loads. I’d recommend therapy first though as it can be a bit lonely having a baby and having no mum or dad to praise and support you when you’re feeling vulnerable. Hugs xxxx

Thank you for your reply. Children are no longer an option as I am past that stage of life. I didn't want to bring children into my life when I was younger as I was to emotionally unstable to have coped alone. I didn't meet dh until I was 41.

Same position with wider family here. Feel sad about not having a big happy family but even the thought of being in touch makes me feel anxious as they are so dysfunctional. They're not my children I'm not responsible for why no one speaks any more (parents and siblings). I wasn't able to be me when my energy was directed at dealing with all their dramas. You choose your real family and I'd rather have my dh and a handful of friends I trust and can relax with over my relations any day.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It might help you to frame the situation differently. You left as soon as you were able to do so. They bring nothing positive to your life and as everyone on here will tell you people like this do not miraculously change into nicer people!

Allow yourself to mourn for the nice family you deserved to have but didn't get. You are not alone. Lots of people are in similar situations. Acceptance of this will help you move forward.Try and focus on building other relationships which can nurture and support you.

This is a good Facebook group. It shows you that you aren’t alone in this:www.facebook.com/groups/736462303356123/?ref=share

www.facebook.com/groups/736462303356123/?ref=share

Sorry I don’t know why the link isn’t working.

Thank you so much for that link, it will be really helpful.