I want to leave him, I need to leave him

[StressLevel100]

I have tried to leave the father of my child 3 times now, his treatment of me over the last few years and after I had DC wasn’t great at all.. even if he proclaims he didn’t hit me. Now all of a sudden he is a hands on Dad and he is currently happy as he has got everything his way, I on the hand am full of anxiety and had a panic attack last night.

Two weeks ago I said we could try again and do some more therapy, but now I’m regretting it and just want to say I’m done no more trying again that’s it. But today is his birthday and he is going on about our first night back in the house.

Thing is do I want dc and p to have a good relationship, yes. But we relocated a 90 min drive away. On the other hand I don’t want dc to have a depressed, anxiety ridden mother, it’s what I had growing up and now I realise it was because of how selfish and unsupportive my father was. I don’t want that and know I have to finish it once and for all but do I leave it a couple of weeks or do I just let him have his birthday and call it tomorrow.

You know you don't want it.
What is the point in waiting a couple of weeks.
Let him have his birthday and then get out.
Don't tell him. Just go.
Good luck OP.

@hellsbellsmelons, and how do I behave today.. fake it till I make it. When he visits us and doesn’t speak much it doesn’t create a nice atmosphere and although he is fine doing it to me I don’t want to do that to him, today of all days. But I also don’t want to be oh everything is great and then drop the bomb tomorrow.

For reference in the past I’d probably say he has been emotionally abusive towards me, that or just a very sick humour. After DC was born he persistently called her a little shit for 3 months after I had asked him not to, EVERY SINGLE DAY. That combined with other factors from him and externally caused me to have a breakdown with help from my family I’m a lot stronger now.

Despite him seemingly doing better, i.e. the house used to be a tip unless I cleaned (I was constantly cleaning) but he has been keeping it tidy

I can’t get past what he has been like, all a little to late. He was such a man child before and I can’t imagine that has changed now.

Call it asap. Your anxiety will be made worse by putting it off. And if there is any sign of him becoming abusive, call the police.

Him proclaiming "he didn't hit you" gives you some idea of how low his standards of behaviour are.

For reference in the past I’d probably say he has been emotionally abusive towards me, that or just a very sick humour. After DC was born he persistently called her a little shit for 3 months after I had asked him not to, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What an absolute twat. Get your daughter away from this sicko.

You could maybe just say you’re not feeling well If you are worried about an awkward atmosphere.

@Tabootutty thanks that is exactly what I have done.

@Gemma1971, I know, everyday he called he that. Was at my wits end. Now there is just not much I actually want to say to him.