Is this normal husband behaviour?

[Ladykluck]

Quick background. Been married for six years, together 13years. One DS aged 3. Over the last 2 years my DH has really changed. He runs his own small business and is obsessed with work. I’m a doctor and work full time.
He very rarely helps around the house, mows the grass every so often and that’s about it. He’s constantly leaving his clothes dumped anywhere, leaves dirty dishes on the side, never tidies away after himself, never cleans anything, I have to pay for everything, refuses to discuss any issues we are having ( there are a few), complains I’m always asking him to do things (which he never does) sulks if I say something he doesn’t like, makes me feel like all our issues our my fault.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask a man in his 30’s to just help me out a bit. I feel he should know as my husband and a father that he needs to do more than work. I want to be treated like a wife, not a servant.
My question is, Does this happen to you and is it normal? AIBU to expect some help from my husband or is this something I should just put up with as that’s what marriage is like?

He sounds exactly like my ex husband of 20 years who treated me like a glorified servant despite me being the main wage earner (NHS professional).
He got much worse in the latter years so I gave him the option of shaping up or getting out.
He decided he would prefer to get out than contribute to the household.
I am a hundred times happier now.
Nobody should be treated like this. It is extremely demeaning and will wear you down. He needs to pull his socks up quickly.
Have that conversation with him.

No it's absolutely not normal!

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

a man in his 30’s to just help me out a bit
This is your problem.
It's NOT helping you out.
It is doing his fair share!
Sorry but I'd not be doing any of his washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping.
You need to make a stand.
And book your holiday for you and your DS and if he wants to join then he books his own!
You've enabled this.

Definitely get legal advice.
But from the sounds of it you'd be better off without him.
He only adds to your work load so what is the point of him?

If you can - get him to read THIS ARTICLE
It may open his eyes to what is happening and it may not.
He sounds like a selfish asshole so I'm not sure you have much chance of changing him.
I'd be giving an ultimatum.
He either steps up and does HIS FAIR SHARE - or he fucks off.

Good luck OP.
But this is not normal and it's not OK.
You are now wise to it so it will just get worse and worse.
The resentment will build and you will end up hating him.
Get out before it gets to that stage.

Apart from all the behaviour you describe, do you feel loved, cherished and supported in any way? Does he have anything about him that you admire?
He sounds selfish and unloving, and I would feel very lonely in your position. You deserve much more.

The money thing is worrying, could he be gambling?

Is it possible his business is failing?
The lack of money to pay for things rings alarm bells, and may be the reason he's always working?

Your post made me sad. You're young and well educated, don't settle when you're unhappy. Equally, don't fall into the trap of thinking that "men" are a bit useless. They're no more homogenenised as a species than women are. There are scorned men who think all women are devious cheats etc. There are many kind, decent men. I'm not a huge believer in people changing when you have to explain to them how to change. If someone just doesn't see something as mattering, then you are up against it to get them to do it. Good luck and legal advice is a very sensible start.

HellsBellsMelons thank you for that article. I’m sending him that to read. This is it summed up. And also what I say to him every time we eventually do have a talk. He always says how it’s ‘just a glass’ or ‘just his clothes’ he never gets that it’s deeper than that. I’ve even said that it means so much more, and he still doesn’t get it.

And no to the other comment. I don’t feel loved, cherished and respected. I did, before we had our son. He was such a caring man. Now he’s selfish and work obsessed. Now I’m increasingly looking at our friends and thinking, why can’t my husband be like that. I know you can’t see what goes on behind closed doors but there you go.