Can autistic people be manipulative?

[Girlananchronism]

I'm trying to make sense of a relationship that to be honest destroyed my sense of well being.

I now recognise that he love bombed me, ran hot and cold, seemed to have demand avoidance behaviour (but could change seemingly randomly). For example when we were initially in a relationship was extremely hard work communication wise. Insisted that he could not have regular normal contact because he was working. Seemingly unprompted at a later time, would call me every day and answer texts etc

He is very socially anxious, in some ways but not others. He insisted he was autistic, is this believable according to anyone with experience?

I am so much better in not obsessing over him, he seems like a distant dream rather than an all encompassing drain on my thoughts. Certain niggles still annoy me though.

If he's told you he's autistic, why do you think a bunch of strangers on the net who've never met him will know better than him?

It's this kind of crap that makes me reluctant to let people know I'm on the spectrum because I can seem fine in some social settings. It's hard work to appear that way though.

If he's hard work because of who he is, then just don't bother.

A lot of us are clever enough to be manipulative but usually we don’t bother. Firstly, it’s not straightforward or decent, so why do it? Secondly, we can’t be arsed. There’s so much in our own heads to deal with, why should we bother what other people do? And yet, as I said, a lot of autistics are clever and could work out how to manage other individuals, i’m sure.

Is his name Barry, and have you considered he might be a covert narcissist?

Of course they can. I know a paedophile with autism and he manipulated people so he could groom and get access to their children.

It is a myth that people with autism are straight forward and don't lie. They say if you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism so you can't generalise and some will be utter shits just like people without autism.

I’m straightforward and don’t lie. So I’m a myth according to poster above. Unicorns are myths. Maybe I’m a unicorn.

Why are you so willing to waste your time on him? Dump and BLOCK.

Sorry Barry, that should have said it's a myth that all people with autism are straightforward and don't lie. Like I said you can't generalise.

No his name is not Barry! I'm no longer in contact, I do have an overwhelming yearning to understand wtf happened to me.

Thanks panda

Every adult can be manipulative.

I do have an overwhelming yearning to understand wtf happened to me.

The answer to that question comes from within. You can not look to him to justify/ explain your role in your toxic entanglement. He treated you poorly, him being autistic doesn’t change the effect that his behaviour had on you.

They definitely can. My ex boyfriend was autistic (not that you'd notice) and was incredibly emotionally controlling and even got physically abusive at times. He made me scared to leave him, and I felt trapped for the best part of 6 years. Yet when I've told people this, they refused to believe me, because how can the poor mentally disabled man who's nice to everyone else ever hurt anyone?

People on the autistic spectrum are as wide as varied in their traits as those not on the spectrum.

I can't lie, and I think manipulating someone has to include some level of bullshit so would be beyond me. But I've no doubt others on the spectrum can and do lie. Because we're people, and some people find lies very easy.

Has he got a diagnosis, or has he decided he is autistic?

@PandaPantaloon No worries. I quite like being a unicorn ;)

I think the fact you’re still finding ways to obsess over his “faults” and to diagnose him with autism and demand avoidance just shows how much headspace you’re willing to devote to an abusive man. You say he destroyed your sense of well-being, so why are you looking to justify his behaviour towards you?