Should I call him?

[MotherofDragons48]

Should I call him after a row? I have been pretty moody over the past few weeks admittedly and it blew up this afternoon. I've been stressed about DS health and my partner recently collapsed and I have been worried sick about them both. I am changing jobs due to amount of stress caused by bullying in the workplace and I have basically been 'frozen out'. I just got a strop on and he eventually lost his temper and then stated that he felt sorry for DS(not his child) as I have wrapped him in cotton wool and prevented him from being a normal teenager! All I ever wanted was to be the sort of mum mine never was and I went through hell with being gaslighted by DS father so just wanted to protect him. I don't live with partner and told him to F off and get out which he did and haven't heard from him since. What would you do? I don't know if I can forgive the comments he made about my not being a good mum?!

It's a hard one when you are a single mum trying to do the best for your kids. I have an autistic son 14 and autistic daughter 25 (still lives at home as is too immature to live alone) and I often find myself wondering if I have done them any favours in 'overprotecting' them. However, at the end of the day no one is perfect, and a 'good mum' loves her children and does what she thinks is best for them. No one else has the right to say otherwise.

Your partner sounds as though he reached the end of his patience, as you were stroppy with him, and said something about the one thing he knew would hurt you most, your parenting. To be honest, in an argument, people will often say things they regret later, but men especially, are not good at owning up and apologising. He also probably feels like you started it and, therefore, you should finish it.

You have a huge amount going on at the moment and it's difficult to keep calm in such situations. It sounds to me like you could do with some counselling. I see mine once a week and just being able to talk about anything is amazing - allows you to calm down completely so that you can be relaxed everywhere else.

As for texting him, do you really love him? Think carefully about this, because it is easy to blurt out, well of course I do, but I realised with my first husband that actually I didn't, so I left. If you really do and you miss him, then bite the bullet, text him and apologise. Say you realise you have been hard on him but that you do love him and are really sorry. Don't bother with reasons for your bad temper - he surely knows what is happening to you regarding work etc, and it never helps, making excuses.

Don;t be tempted to bombard him with texts, just the one, and leave the ball in his court.

Good luck with getting away from the bullying, and I hope you find a much better job. Also hope your DS's health problems are sorted soon.

Unfortunately, when the valve finally blows it is always the nearest person that gets the fallout, whether or not they deserve it. Don't beat yourself up, you are doing the right thing with work and once that is sorted everything else will become so much easier to deal with.

Best wishes and good luck.

He didn't say you were a bad mum. He said you had wrapped your teen in cotton wool, which could just be a fact. I wouldn't be happy at being told to fuck off and get out so I wouldn't be contacting you either.

I was there when DS had his first epileptic seizure nearly two years ago so yes I probably have been protective. Whenever I have tried to talk to my partner about my thoughts and feelings I feel he's dismissive and doesn't acknowledge it? But when I say I need time alone I'm being a 'mard arse' so can't win really can I? We've had problems before when I didn't feel he was there for me and I took him back. I just think sometimes I put up with too much and let people walk over me and that just makes me angry! I don't have time for counselling but thanks for the suggestion, I know it needs addressing. Just to be clear, he was busy packing his stuff and had already said he was going when I told him to get out. I was trying to explain why I was being the way I am (stressed to hell, feeling put upon etc) when he said that about my parenting so although I maybe shouldn't have told him to F off he didn't need to go there with me. Still haven't messaged him and not sure if I want to yet🤔

Could you call him and ask to talk? Then you can explain your point of view, apologise for anything you genuinely think you did wrong and see if he apologises for what he said. If he doesn’t apologise then you’ll need to make a decision on your next steps from there but if you feel you both were in the wrong then it’s worth talking about it at least.

Since he's never particularly emotionally supportive, perhaps take some time to think whether he's the man for you, whether splitting could be for the best. I wouldn't rush to apologise and beg him back, given he is often dismissive and tells you you're just mardy.