Someone tell me it gets easier.

[GirlOnIt]

Because right now, I feel like things are worse.
Split with controlling ex but we have a baby Ds and I'm pregnant (very close age gap). I'm just feeling so down at the the moment and that it would actually be easier to have stayed with him.
I can't go no contact because of the Dc and the house/finances. It's exhausting though, I feel more controlled than when we were together and without any of the advantages to having him around.

Today's been a bad day and I know tomorrow it probably won't look as bad. But I can't help but wonder if it would be easier and better for the Dc if I'd just stayed with him, maybe just till school age or at least past babyhood.
And I know that's probably what he's hoping, amongst him being a idiot he's also being super sweet and accommodating. He's like two different people and I never know which one I'll be dealing with.

Or maybe it really doesn't! I'm considering formula feeding the baby, even though I'd rather bf. But I just don't think I can take him having to visit her here for so young. And formula would make contact easier.

to you. Well done for splitting up with him. That must have been tough. Honestly you are giving your children a much better family set up than accepting abuse because it's 'easier'.
Have you got other sources of support?

That's the thing @bluejelly. I feel like I'm accepting more abuse from him now we aren't together than when we were.

I do have support from family and friends, I'm lucky in that regard.

I think you're doind all the right things. It is hard and sometimes you will doubt yourself and wonder wether its the right decision. But going through this now, means you dont have to go through it later (if u stayed longer) which means youll rebuild and have a happy life much sooner. I left my partner of 12 years and dad tobmy kids ( younger one was 10 months old) just with 2 suitcases. Nothing else, it was the hardest thing in my life and i had so many terrible moments i couldnt afford anywhere to rent although i was workin full time.... but 3 years on im so glad i stuck it out. Now im truly happy and my kids too. It didnt take me long to be thankful i had left. Its just at the beginnin when u have to figure everything out. And you will. Allow urself to feel bad... ure going though a lot. But know inside that it will definitely get better

Thank you @Livelovelearn1. I'm glad things worked out for you. I don't feel quite as bad this morning, had a good nights sleep last night.
It's just so draining, I feel like I'm having to think about everything I say or do and I'm constantly waiting for his reaction and I just don't know what I'm going to get from him.

I just don't know how to deal with him, I feel like going no contact but can't see how that would work with Ds and the baby.