I'm a long-time user but have name changed for anonymity on this thread as I think some old posts might be a bit identifying. I'm in a bit of a state and could do with some advice. Please be gentle with me. I've been married to DH for 12 years, together for 18. Two fantastic DS' aged 9 and 5. We're happy, good sex life (at least once a week) and our life together is, I think, good. Several holidays a year, no money worries, good friends, happy family. He has a high-pressured but high-paid job, I'm training for a new profession after several years as a SAHM. This post is long as I don't want to drip feed and am finding it helpful to write it all down.
I was borrowing DH's phone a few days ago (couldn't find mine, wanted to do a quick search - both of us have that thing where it's unlocked in the house) and a predictive thing came up on google "fbsm". I was curious and clicked on the top link - it was for a directory and forum listing and reviewing places for "full body sensual massage". I was suspicious and went straight to his searches and found that he'd been on and off this site for a few days alongside searches for other individual massage parlours. I felt sick and a bit shaken but kept it together. He'd popped out and so I hid my snooping and decided to do nothing. We live rurally in the south and he was due to head up to London for the night the next day to catch up with friends. I was surprised he'd booked such an early train - I guess I now know why.
I think the reason I was so suspicious was that DH has form for this. Just after DS was born I found a load of searches for massage parlours offering a "happy ending" (judging by the style and content of the search and pages) on our shared laptop. Again, it was a case predictive search text, followed by me digging deeper. I confronted him and he apologised, said that he was just curious and would never do anything about it but was worried I might not want sex again after giving birth. We got back to some sort of equilibrium and tried to put things behind us. I certainly felt as though we'd moved on.
After the latest discovery I did some more digging on our laptop and found his username (but not his password) for thus forum site. I registered for the site myself and could see that he's been a member since 2014. No reviews left, but reading through the other reviews and chats that are on there it's clear that this is all about finding and rating sexual services. Whilst he was in London I decided to look at his phone activity (if someone's logged into Google on a PC and is using Google on their phone, you can use the PC to monitor through myactivity.google) and saw that he was using maps to find an atm, and a random address in Islington, plus more massage parlour searches.
Now he's back and I'm carrying on as normal - God knows how. I have no "proof" that anything has happened, just the same uneasy feeling. I haven't mentioned anything as I almost want to keep my powder dry and see how things play out, but at the same time I just want to scream at him for putting our relationship, beautiful family, home, life at risk like this. How dare he be so disrespectful to me, to these women and to everything we've built together. On the other hand, I just want to turn a blind eye and not have to deal with any of this. I just want to rewind and wish I'd never found anything - although I'm having to stop myself looking for more.
Has anyone lived through thus sort of thing and either found a way to confront their partner or found a way to bury it and carry on?
If you've found this page in your search of the massage oils that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best massage oils useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ