Why on earth would anyone date me?!!

[NotAProperGrownUp]

“Moderately overweight mother of two seeks gorgeous, attentive man who accepts I am only rarely available between children and two jobs. Mild abandonment issues following unexpected divorce. GSOH. No hobbies to speak of, actively opposed to the gym. Financially stable, emotionally wobbly. Face has held up better than the rest of me.”

I’m not exactly a catch, am I?!

I’m not ready for modern-day dating either - do I have to make myself more marketable somehow in order to meet a decent person?!

Wtf is "modern-day dating"? You dont have to do anything you dont want to do!

You sound lovely (and a bit like me - wobbly, decent face, no bloody time). In my book, the GSOH outweighs any flaws of face or figure, though. I reckon anyone would be lucky to have you.

My advice, for what its worth, is to treat dating purely as a social activity. Meet loads of people, even the ones who dont tick all your boxes, and dont take it too seriously at first. Look on it as an opportunity to build a store of anecdotes, if you must! Then if you like someone, meet them again. Its relatively easy. Dont build them up as "the one" in your mind first.

Just have fun. Plenty of men are attracted to squashy women , i can attest to that.

Are you prepared to date moderately overweight men with no time between kids and two jobs, no hobbies and are actively opposed to the gym but with GSOH, etc?

With a sense of humour and way with words like yours OP, you will be fighting men off - like PP, I can attest to that (add in that I’m 56 to boot!). And I agree that it’s a lot of fun if you don’t take it too seriously. Check out the dating thread for the rules, wise words on the pitfalls and amazing support and insights.

After a brief dabble in OLD, I’m worried about the hobbies. All single men seem to have a passion for bouldering, cycling or lifting heavy objects. Is it really essential to sweat together?!

Your "ad" made me smile... you're much more of a catch than you realize.

Cycling is apparently the new golf!

Your weight isn’t an issue but your attitude is. Being opposed to the gym should not stop you going outdoors or seeking hobbies, plenty of hobbies to be had in the home. If you don’t have much time between little kids & two jobs that is ok, but how old are they? Is it possible you are super invested in older kids & could possibly fit in more time for yourself somewhere ?

Nothing will change if nothing changes. You need to be interested in things to be interesting.

You sound quite self deprecating & witty! What do you like about yourself? What interests you?

After a brief dabble in OLD, I’m worried about the hobbies. All single men seem to have a passion for bouldering, cycling or lifting heavy objects. Is it really essential to sweat together?!

Nope, but stating your active opposition to these things will understandable put these men off. If that is what you want then fine. If not then don't say it. A man isn't going to want to be with someone who actively disrespects his choice if hobbies regardless of whether they participate in them or not.

Cyclist men... In their "I'm in Team Sky, me" full lycra kit... In pairs on their pushbikes... delaying my commute home... grrrrr...

Also adding recognising you have abandonment issues is good. Working on those issues is important. If you don’t have much time to invest in relationships then it is a bit unfair to expect someone to be committed to you, it sounds like your lifestyle isn’t in the right for it.

What does GSOH stand for ?

prawnsword - good sense of humour.

I don’t actually mind people doing whatever they like for fun! Honestly, I walk my dogs daily and love a good long walk and being outdoors. I read a lot, write a bit, do arty stuff... sorry if I seemed rude/dismissive, not my intention 🙂

It's the time/ poor thing that's spannered me. I don't even have the EOW, I have to add £40 for a sitter to the cost of going out. Come and lurk on the dating thread...

I’d send you a message with a profile like that!
Better and more truthful than 95% of profiles I’ve seen over the years.

Nothing worse than a profile which promises Charbonnel et Walker champagne truffles that turns out to be Ferrero Rocher!!

Men don’t care about women’s wobbly figures anything like as much as you’d think OP.

The time-poor thing might be problematic though. Are there any ways around that?

Now there you have the ‘there’s someone for everyone’ thing in a nutshell ha ha - I infinitely prefer Ferrero Rocher!

I agree with everything @prawnsword says. Lots of people don't mind their partner being overweight but being so opposed to physical activity would concern me. As I'd worry it would restrict what we could do together.

You're a package, not a bullet list of features. A bloody funny one by the sound of it! I'm a single mum of four with ex-issues and also "moderately overweight". I'm also 49 which I did think would be a problem. It's turned out after 7 months of online dating that the only problem is my attitude to myself and my lack of confidence.
I don't find that I have a thing in common with men who are obsessed with the gym and lots and lots of high energy physical hobbies. If there's a photo of someone on a bike, in front of a car, at the gym or holding up a fish - no, thank you. You can choose who you like just as they can!

Now that I'm newly single (as of last night) I'm sat here currently thinking the same. 41 year old with depression, cellulite and no money with two extremely full on kids doesn't exactly sound appealing. Admittedly I look younger than 41 but even 20 years ago I'd never have considered myself pretty. I can honestly see myself investing in rechargeable batteries for my bottom drawer collection and having a cat on my bed at night because the sort of man I like is never going to look at me now.
Meanwhile STBXH will no doubt be chasing after his EA OW. Life sucks.

Change that GSOH to hilarious because this post made me laugh. Do you really believe most of these men actually cycle a lot and do the hobbies they claim? I met my husband on POF 8 years a go and apparently his hobbies included festival going, cooking and going to the gym. I can confirm he has never attended a festival in our 8 years, he has cooked 3 times (once starting a fire) and he went to the gym for a few months then stopped.

If he had written his real hobbies they would have been football, chatting shite on football forums and arguing with people on our local community Facebook page 😂

Can I steal this it is great....As other have said confidence and humour are needed... No bloke is perfect ..

I've given OLD the heave-ho now but compared with the hundreds of profiles I looked at in that time, I'd have found an ad like OPs to have been refreshingly honest and self-deprecatingly funny and I'd have looked twice!

Do you have to make yourself more marketable? No, if you're going to give OLD a crack I think you should go with your ad first and see what happens!

I would use your op word for word for your online dating profile. It will attract men with a sense of humour and who appreciate honesty.
I also have very little time, 2 kids, 2 jobs, not even eow to myself as ex has disappeared in a puff of smoke, but I've managed to find a good man who is genuinely committed to me!

Are you prepared to date moderately overweight men with no time between kids and two jobs, no hobbies and are actively opposed to the gym but with GSOH, etc?

This

You seek a “gorgeous attentive” man though!