My husband says not and is reflecting on to me, which he has a habit of doing. I’m starting to think he is a gaslighting narcissist but then he would say I’m doing the same to him.
Before I start I have to say he has form for similar behaviours. I find him selfish, he says I’m unfair and inflexible.
So the situation is that we have two children. One in nursery and one in school.
He does the nursery pick up 3 days a week and one school pick up. The nursery pickup is a bit of a pain and involves a drive, the school run is a short walk. The reason he does the nursery run more often is because he can get the train to/from work from nearby and has more frequent trains. I have a long walk the other end if I use that particular station and there are fewer trains on my route.
My husband can comfortably finish work at his usual time and get back with plenty of time to collect from nursery and then drive to the school and collect from there if I’m not around ( most days I am and do the school pick up). For me to collect both children I really need to prearrange leaving work early. I can’t drop everything and go early when I fancy ( he can).
Anyway earlier this week he text me ( text not called) 30 minutes before I finished work to ask if I could get both kids so he could go out. I said no as he knew it would be very difficult for me to collect both children in time due to the distance between nursery and school. It would be very stressful with no room for any train delays etc ( common!). There would be a very real chance that I wouldn’t make it to the school before the wraparound club finished.
My husband knows this! He knows I can’t leave early to accommodate him. Despite me reminding him of all of this he keeps coming back asking me to “be flexible” and then started trying to guilt trip me by saying an ex colleague was in a bad way and “needed” him. This was a particular slap in the face to me,as the reason he cited for wanting to be there for this guy was something my husband did not support me through when it happened to me!
Anyway this is longer than I anticipated sorry! Upshot is despite me saying no he went out and I had to rush to get both kids. I made it just in the nick of time. I’m furious with him but he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. Says he expects to be afforded the same flexibility he affords the rest of us. I often ask him to rearrange things to accommodate work things I have on, or things the kids have on. Always with notice never last minute.
To add that he goes out a lot so it’s not that it was a rare opportunity for him. I don’t even believe it was really about supporting a friend ( he hasn’t seen the guy in months if not longer and is not really a friend) but more about his desire to get drunk.