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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being pathetic?

13 replies

Pumpkinsalad · 08/09/2019 06:26

So I've been with Dh over 10 years, we've two young dc and tbh we don't often get time off just the two of us. Wed been invited to a child free wedding and were both so excited. We both bigged it up as a nice day date, a chance to relax and have a dance with each other and a good time. The wedding was of a friend of DH's and I didn't know loads of people going.

Before we left I said to DH that I'd got £100 out of my account to put in the wedding card so didn't have any spare cash so could he either give me a bit or whenever he was at the bar could he please get me a drink as I knew he'd end up in a round with friends. He said hed do that.

We had a nice time during the meal but once the evening reception guests arrived at 6pm he vanished. No drinks, which irritated me but I did have enough to buy a couple. I coped, I knew a few people so chatted and danced a little. It got to about 9pm and I went to find dh, I got "babe just hold my drink I'm bursting for a wee, I'll be right back". He didn't come back. Probably about an hour later I found him again, he was mid conversation which was fine but he didn't acknowledge me at all, thankfully someone else came and chatted to me but then dh vanished again. At 11pm I found him again and the drink/wee thing happened again. This time I was getting cross. I felt really ignored. Everyone else was getting merry with their oh's and dancing with them and I was starting to feel like a spare part as I just didn't know that many people who weren't now dancing with their oh's . I found him again at midnight, I was really nice, I'd never make a scene but said it was home time, the church had been at 11am so itd been a long day. He was shocked i wanted to leave but we did. The next day I was feeling pretty rubbish and I told him hed made me feel really crap and ignored and how we'd both looked forward to it but I felt horrid being left alone watching the other couples. His reaction was "I never stand still for long, stop feeling sorry for yourself". This has made me feel worse and I've barely slept. Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

Monty27 · 08/09/2019 06:39

He should have included you in his socialising. He left you to it.
I would have left him the second time he did it.
He's coming over as thoughtless and selfish.

GrannyHaddock · 08/09/2019 07:42

What a git: a wedding is an occasion for all the couples attending to remember why they are together and celebrate each other too.

crystalize · 08/09/2019 07:46

You're not being oversensitive. It was meant to be a fun child free night and he ignored you? And why did you put £100 into a card for HIS friend's wedding? He sounds a selfish prick and personally I would be disappearing and booking myself into a hotel/staying with friends for the night... to let him reflect on his behaviour.

Original poster

Pumpkinsalad · 08/09/2019 08:02

Thanks for your words. I'm glad to know I'm not just being silly. I put the money in the card as I panicked at the fuel station wondering of he'll have thought of getting enough cash out for that to. Our finances are largely joined so that wasnt a big deal. It just meant i didn't have much left over for spends. I'm really upset this morning but I think it's more to do with him dismissing my feelings and telling me not to feel sorry for myself. I'd have liked him to see he was wrong and apologise.

I'd love a day away but theres too much to do around here today unfortunately

OP posts:

greentheme23 · 08/09/2019 08:05

He behaved like a single man at that wedding. Has he behaved this way on other occasions?

Savingforarainyday · 08/09/2019 08:09

Where WAS he? How many places are there to escape to at a wedding reception?

Morgan12 · 08/09/2019 08:37

How did he manage to actually disappear?

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2019 08:40

He acted like a knob by ignoring you all night
Couldn't you use your card to pay for drinks? If that was your last 100 then you shouldn't have given so much in the card.

dudsville · 08/09/2019 08:41

He left you, he was thoughtless and uncaring, and now he's being dismissive of you and your feelings. He's got a problem.

FabLaura · 08/09/2019 08:44

Yes he was being insensitive - fair enough he wanted to catch up with friends without the wife hanging by his side but all night. He should have had a dance and a laugh with you too.

Smoothyloopy · 08/09/2019 08:47

He's a twat. I had an ex who used to do this to me, it's why he's an ex

Original poster

Pumpkinsalad · 08/09/2019 08:57

I didn't want to take a bank card as I just had a little bag hence me asking that he give me some cash before hand but he said he was happy to get my drinks. He usually does anyway at weddings and things.

It was a huge wedding in a big country house with bits inside and out and it was very crowded. He'll have been off chatting to people and got distracted but I wish hed come back to find me after leaving his drink with me.

I'm not usually a needy person. Tbh we don't often spend loads of time together at weddings but we would usually "look after" each other if it's a wedding where one of us doesn't know many people. We had discussed it before and he'd said it was me he was most looking forward to spending time with and he wouldn't abandon me

OP posts:

Original poster

Pumpkinsalad · 08/09/2019 09:00

And usually wed always find each other towards the end for a dance and laugh

OP posts:

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