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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it bad enough to leave?

6 replies

Twoanddone86 · 08/09/2019 00:24

I’ve been married for 15 years. I was married at 20 so pretty young and dh is 10 years older than me.
I shouldn’t have married so young. I am not the same person I was then. I’ve never felt my marriage is right. Not really. I kind of got railroaded into it - dh has a strong personality.
We now have two children and I am unhappy. Dh spends virtually no time with me or the dc but actually I am beyond caring. I don’t want him to because I’d rather he wasn’t here. We barely see him and when he is here he engages very little with the children. He does love them, he’s just not that interested. For example he went to something at ds’s School last year and had to phone me to ask what year ds was in. He still hasn’t read ds’s school report that came home in July.
I am unhappy and feel there must be more - but is it bad enough to destroy everyone’s lives over. Right now it’s just me that is unhappy. But if I ended it then everyone would be unhappy. I feel so selfish even considering it but I frequently feel like I’m not in a partnership and that our morals and values are streets apart.

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 08/09/2019 06:16

You only live once. You are 35 now? Still young enough to start over with someone you want to be with and wants to be with you.
Don't settle for mediocre.

It's as simple as that really.

Twoanddone86 · 08/09/2019 18:26

Yes.
It’s just the children really. Am I selfish enough to turn their lives upside down?

OP posts:
GrumpiestCat · 08/09/2019 18:40

These things do matter. A background rumbling lack of respect and detachment would make anyone feel alone. Perhaps start at the point of suggesting counselling (not that you particularly feel inclined to but his response will speak volumes). He might actually feel like the relationship has run its course too. You can still parent together and when they have the kids to themselves without the mum backstop they can step up and get more involved. Things could be better. You may all end up happier x

Twoanddone86 · 08/09/2019 18:52

No he still thinks everything is fine. He tells me I’m never allowed to leave him.
He’s never been any different in terms of time he puts in, it’s just I don’t feel like it’s enough any more. I don’t love him. I don’t want him to be upset and the thought of hurting him breaks my heart but I don’t feel like we are compatible. Ultimately I married too young. I’m not the same person I was at 20 - but that isn’t his fault.
It’s things like-
He was away Tuesday - Friday but then went straight from work to golf and then was up and out for a full day of golf yesterday so by this point the children haven’t seen him since Monday. He wasn’t back until gone 6 last night as he goes to his mum’s after for a nap. Today he got up about 10am, watched tv and then we all went to his mum’s where he lay on her sofa and his mum and I played with the children outside.
It’s just, it’s not what I want. I’m so fucking bored.

OP posts:
GrumpiestCat · 08/09/2019 19:40

He tells me I’m never allowed to leave him.

Hmm Yes you can. Are you afraid of him?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/09/2019 19:49

And you are allowed to leave him; he is not the boss of you.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?. Do you want to further do your bit here to teach them that yes this is how men treat women and that a loveless marriage is your norm too?. No you do not. Its not good enough for them and it certainly is not good enough for you either.

When marriages are angry, conflicted, or terribly mediocre, parents often default to staying together for the purported sake of the children. As our children grow older, they tend to replicate relationships similar to what their parents modeled. As parents we’d never say we want our children to suffer or struggle in their relationships. Yet that’s the greater likelihood. It’s not what we say, but what we do that matters. Telling our children they deserve healthy, respectful, and loving partnerships isn’t taken to heart if we don’t have the courage to live up to our own words. What we model for them is very much what we might expect for them in their future relationships. From this perspective we might question the sincerity of the expression “for the sake of the children.”

If we want our offspring to have joyful and successful relationships, we need to provide them with the best example we possibly can. Living in mediocrity or worse burdens children with very confusing messages about relationships and happiness. It certainly instructs them that loving marriages and partnerships are not their birthright.

Not infrequently, people are simply afraid to move on with their lives and take their own responsibility for happiness. Financial concerns, fear of him or the fear of being alone often motivate such paralysis hidden beneath the mask of staying together for the children. At other times, it’s easier to blame your partner for your discontent than to come out of your sense of victimhood. Unloving or conflicted marriages often follow a lineage as they are passed down from generation to generation. And so the cycle continues. Is this what we really wish for our children? It is much more challenging to come to terms with our own circumstances and face our fears than it is to hide behind them as we stay together “for the kids.”

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