Don't know what to do anymore

[Dani80]

Hi, I posted on here a while back about a guy I'd been seeing for 4 months that was still spending alot of time with his ex, going for meals together, going shopping when the kids were at school and staying over once a week then having a family day out.
Doing things with her for kids didnt bother me but the things they still did alone was really getting to me especially after she phoned while I was there at his house and he went in kitchen chatting to her for ages then saying he had to go because he was at work.

Well we talked it through, he promised me the meals out were just because they are really good mates but he will stop that if it upsets me. Weve been doing good the last 3 months, spending time together when we can, however the other night he was staying at mine, she called and they were having a chat, laughing about some stuff, all fine but then as I walk into the living room he says 'right I'll talk to you later as I'm entertaining' then he says a dog and both start laughing.

So it bothered me a while and I asked if the ex even knows he has a girlfriend. He said yes so I asked why he didnt just say I'm at my girlfriends. He got in a mood said I'm overreacting over nothing and he can't be doing with this grief in his life and he tries to make sure they ring each other when I'm not around.

Now this has not only made me feel rubbish like he was referring to me as a dog to his ex but then totally made me feel like a fool for it bothering, plus I'm now left wondering how much time do they spend talking on the phone when I'm not around.

Am I just overreacting? My heads all over since he made me feel like an idiot for feeling the way I do.

Sorry it's long xx

I would dump him and move on.

What an ass!

Sounds like this is not a relationship you want to be in. If it were me I would walk away now with my head high. He is gaslighting you making you feel like you are the one overreacting whereas anyone would be annoyed at that. There are SO many men who would want a relationship with you, don't force open locked doors.

I'd be running for the hills. He gets in a mood because you challenge him for referring to you as a dog. He lives in a topsy-turvy world. There is someone out there who would treat you with more respect. Ask him how he would feel if you were laughing with an ex and referred to entertaining a dog!

You're not overreacting at all.
This guy has absolutely zero respect for you and your feelings...he knew full well that calling you a dog would hurt you. He's an arrogant arse!
He's still in a relationship with his wife and your his FWBs.
Dump him your deserve so much better than this moody git!

He called you a dog? Is he 11?

No. You're worth more than this. My partner was still quite close to his ex (because she wouldn't leave him alone rather than because he wanted to be) and he put a stop to it when we got together.

I'm all for people having friends of the opposite sex, I have them myself, but when you're not sure she even knows about you, and she's his ex, alarm bells start ringing for sure.

Know your worth.

you shouldnt let him to behave like this towards you-calling you a dog. so disrespectful. i would end it immediately, no way back, finished, end off.

I’d wait a few more months and see... At 4mo it’s really early into the relationship.
But if soon things dont start to change - i’d be distancing myself.
Whether ex knows about you should be easy to figure out.
What about meeting his friends, and eventually family?
What about social media? Any pictures of you two anywhere?
Etc.
Also - next time he talks to her when he is at your place - I’d loudly call him back to bed or something, with a moan that he needs to finish what he started... That would flash or what’s what very quickly 😉
Just kidding, obviously

I wouldn't bother giving it a few more months.

That is precisely why there are so many women posting on here about being treated like shit - because they didn't get out at this stage when the signs were first there!

Not worth it.

Dump his no-good-lying-cheating-disrespectful ass !

They are obviously still hooking up and he hasent told her about you because he doesn’t want her to know.

It sounds to me that if they aren't still hooking up that he would very much like to be and is trying to get back in there.
You deserve better. Walk away.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I think deep down I knew I had to end it and glad others dont think I'm overreacting. He gets in a mood even if I have to cancel seeing him if I'm ill. When I confronted him about the dog thing he called me a divvy and said he meant my dog, hmmm yeah like the ex could see a dog was there through the phone and then why laugh together.

He only has twitter and never puts anything on there about me, he takes photos of everything but in 7 months weve never had a photo together. He says he doesn't have fb but I've seen the app on his phone so either hes lying and blocked me on there so I dont find him or just hasn't deleted the app for some reason.

His family all live really far away and he went for a weeks visit last month, he'd phone while he was with them and sent photos of them all out dressed up and stuff but when he got back he was showing me something his ex had messaged him and i noticed he'd sent her all the pics too.

I can understand them spending time together for their children but to me this is just too close still for an ex and if she needs him there for any reason he goes even if we have to change our plans. I love that he's there for the kids but my gut feeling says he still has feelings for her.

Thanks again, I think I know what I need to do now x

sorry for that, but you are doing the right thing .

You are definitely doing the right thing. You deserve way more than him!!

He’s still with her. Sorry.