Should I lie about this

[Namechange40921]

DC is starting preschool soon. DC father has been very inconsistent in their life, absent for months at a time for no reason, in general he is a nasty person, I facilitate contact as he has never been directly nasty to DC. But they are not close.

He suddenly wants to come to DC first day in preschool, and I’m not sure if it is a good idea. Firstly because his contact has been sporadic with DC, when they do see him, they get quite hyped up and emotional when he leaves. Secondly, at DC previous settling in sessions at preschool, everything has gone very smoothly - the teacher suggested keeping it calm and low key, I said goodbye to DC and left swiftly without making a big deal out of it, DC father is the kind of person who thinks they are right about everything, and I don’t trust he will follow this calm low key approach, he will do what he wants. Overall, I’m unsure if him coming will make DC clingy/upset when we leave, and make settling in for full days much harder.

Theoretically, as it’s a preschool with several children settling in/starting at the same time, I could tell him a date a few days after DC actual first day and he wouldn’t know it was untrue. By this point DC would hopefully be a bit more adjusted to the full days. However I obviously don’t really want to lie as it feels morally wrong!

I’m absolutely not trying to be selfish or take the ‘first day’ for myself or be spiteful - I’m purely considering wether it will have a bad impact on DC first day. If he consistent/had a good bond with them I would absolutely not have any of these concerns.

I’d appreciate anyone’s views on this, Tia

I’d just say no. Why does he want to anyway?

@pipandmum He cares hugely about what people think of him and he wants to come across as a great and involved dad I think. But when shit hits the fan he is never anywhere to be seen, £0 financially, no emotional support, very little contact with DC, etc..

Part of me does feel bad because he’s specifically asked to come to the first day and I don’t know if that’s him being genuine or not. He’s such a lying bastard I never know what his real motive for anything is.

You know what, you can take those special times for yourself. If you've done the difficult bits while he's swanned around doing fuck all, then you have a right to the lovely bits. This is why I don't agree with complete and utter twats having their children on Christmas Day.

I'd say no too. Zero financial support?! As my mother said to my x, if you drive straight on through your responsibilities you'll find your rights right there..

I wouldn’t lie, just to tell him no

Thanks @HollowTalk that makes me feel a bit better!

Thanks for the replies - In response to why I’m wary to just tell him ‘no’ rather than lying - he was emotionally abusive and controlling to me while we were together (still tries to now when he gets chance), and he keeps ‘tabs’ on every time he feels like he’s been wronged or I have done anything toward him he doesn’t like. Id be worried what his response/reaction would be for me saying no to him coming to the first day. He would definitely use it as a stick to beat me with for the foreseeable, I really can’t be bothered to deal with it. If it was a normal person I’d say no and explain the reasons why.

Surely if you lie and tell him a different date, then when he turns up on that day he'll soon realise it isn't actually the first day?

Ring CMS and start claiming child support. Block him and tell him to take you to court if he wants to see your child. Being in and out of her life is worse than being an absent father.

I thought the same as readitandwept and if he is how you say (not doubting it) then wouldn’t that just make things worse that you lied?