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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

WhatsApp Picture

25 replies

Ninteeneightyone · 07/09/2019 17:22

Don’t know if I’m being stupid here so I thought I’d ask opinions...

I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks. We started chatting on tinder then exchanged mobile phone numbers. He’s got a 5 month old baby but split from the baby’s mum when the baby was only a month old. He has a picture of the baby as his WhatsApp profile picture. Obviously I don’t find that in itself weird but he’s started trying to turn the “texting” into “sexting” and I just find it so weird and off putting when I read these dirty texts and a picture of his tiny baby’s face is next to them.

I’ve also had a nosey at his Facebook profile and he still has pictures of him and his ex (who is stunning btw!) on there.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

FuriousVexation · 07/09/2019 17:25

Well on WA it does not show your own status or pic. So I'd go with "Hey did you know WA shows you as a pic of a newborn right next to "ohh girl I want to lick your labia" ' and see what happens.

Original poster

Ninteeneightyone · 07/09/2019 17:28

@FuriousVexation

Surely he knows he has a picture of his baby as his profile picture though

OP posts:

SquintEastwood · 07/09/2019 17:40

I would just tell him you find it off putting and explain why, maybe screenshot and return it to him to show him what you mean.

As an aside, I take it you're not actually on his Facebook friends list? Are you sure he and his "ex" are actually seperated? 4 months from a, presumably serious, relationship breakdown with a newborn involved seems very quick to jump onto dating sites and start "sexting" random women.

ChangeItChild · 07/09/2019 17:40

'I don't feel comfortable talking dirty to a profile picture of a baby'

(Btw he sounds like he's still with his partner and looking for some fun)

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 07/09/2019 17:43

You're sexting with someone who claims to have a 5 month old baby having only separated from his partner 4 months ago?

Sounds delightful.

I take it he's not doing much of the parenting then if he's messing about on Tinder and sexting you?

He sounds like a catch.

I think the baby face pic next to sexts is the least of the worries tbh.

Whenaretheholidaysover · 07/09/2019 17:49

I wouldn’t go along with it. You’ve not even met him?

Original poster

Ninteeneightyone · 07/09/2019 17:59

Yes the relationship with his ex was serious, apparently she ended the relationship when the baby was weeks old. I’ve not met him yet, no. I think he has the baby one night a week so I think the ex does the majority of the parenting.

OP posts:

Mumofboth · 07/09/2019 18:01

Alarm bells ringing. I’d avoid him.

RLEOM · 07/09/2019 18:07

Seriously, stay away from men who have left the mother of their newborn, even if he says she left him or it was a long time coming - this man has no staying power. He's not the catch you think he is.

belle40 · 07/09/2019 18:32

He left his partner with a one month old baby??? Rrrrrruuuuuuunnnnnn...

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 07/09/2019 18:36

I knew someone who did this. Told all his friends family etc she had walked out on him. Turns out he was massively jealous of the baby and the attention not being on him so he'd beaten her up! I'd cut your losses now and find someone who treats you with respect.

thespellhasbeenbroken123 · 07/09/2019 18:42

Run.

Original poster

Ninteeneightyone · 07/09/2019 18:42

Gosh I didn’t think of any of these things!! He said she chucked him out of the family home and she’s been really horrible to him since. Maybe I shouldn’t be so gullible

OP posts:

Whenaretheholidaysover · 07/09/2019 18:54

Why did she chuck him out?

Whenaretheholidaysover · 07/09/2019 18:55

Anyway you don’t know him, you don’t owe him anything and why would you want to start a relationship with a man with a tiny baby who sexts women he has never met, even if what he says is true (unlikely.)

Original poster

Ninteeneightyone · 07/09/2019 18:59

I don’t know the ins and outs of why the relationship ended but did mention they were rowing a lot over household responsibilities/chores

OP posts:

TheCatsACunt · 07/09/2019 19:01

Thoughts?

A man whose partner would prefer to be a single mum to a newborn baby than live with him in her life is a man to be avoided.

RLEOM · 07/09/2019 19:05

Please, my ex and I split up when my baby was 3 months old. I left him. But I had major reasons - he kept inviting his female "friend" round, who'd make snidy digs at me and give me smug smiles when he'd take her out for a coffee. I'd also found out he was a porn addict. I got PND from it all. I left. His story is that I left him because I didn't want to move in with him.

Instead of being a decent partner and supporting me with my PND, he ignored my cries for help, swept any problems (including my PND) under the carpet and refused to communicate about any failings in our relationship, and then blamed me for leaving. He went completely cold on me, too. Needless to say, he's now dating said "friend." What. A. Catch.

And the worst part is that he has unresolved feelings towards me. We get on great. Sometimes there's love in his eyes, he lingers for conversation, he's playful - but I bet you any money he makes out to his girlfriend that we don't get on.

Long story short: run.

ChristmasFluff · 07/09/2019 19:06

Yuck, a man sexting me when I haven't even met him would turn me right off, regardless of his profile picture.

You know nothing about him - you don't even know if they are really split up. It could all be a pack of lies, he may never want to meet you, may just be getting a cheap ego stroke from having lots of women sexting him.

All this endless texting creates the illusion of a relationship where really there's nothing but an internet persona that is easy to keep up at texting distance. Ask to meet him before you sext.

Take care, OP. He sounds pretty seedy and not an ideal partner

RLEOM · 07/09/2019 19:08

Basically what @TheCatsACunt said. 👍

PicsInRed · 07/09/2019 19:09

Thoughts?

He's grim as fuck.

Pepperstripe · 07/09/2019 19:15

The first month of having a baby is rough and yes lots of arguing because you're so fricking tired.... not sure I'd be interested in someone who couldn't stick it out for longer!! He's clearly happy to move on quickly! He sounds like a keeper!

readitandwept · 07/09/2019 19:25

"Sexting"'someone you haven't even meant??

Grim indeed.

Set your standards higher.

GigiIdid · 07/09/2019 19:43

I think I’d block and get back on tinder.

Best case scenario: He’s thoughtless and a bit of a dick for sexting you with that pic.

Worst case scenario: They are still together and happy in her mind. He’s not getting as much action at home with the new arrival therefore thinks he’s entitled to sext other women.

Cut your losses and get back swiping for someone better

ConorMcGregorsChin · 07/09/2019 19:47

Personally I wouldn't have gotten past chatting to him on Tinder with him having such a young child that he was already separated from the Mum. Too much going on.

In fact I wouldn't speak to anyone who was still married (but been separated for 6 months etc) some still living with exes.
It's a minefield.

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