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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worth bothering with this friend ?

5 replies

French189 · 07/09/2019 17:19

I've known her since we were in primary school. When we are together, we have such a laugh a lot of the time, but she will go through phases of not replying to any messages and not trying to make any plans (not just with me but with our other friends) then other times, she will be really present.

When we were in school, she wasn't always very nice to me. We lived on the same road and for some reason she would be moody and cold towards me during our walk, then nice as pie to everyone when we got to school.
She would make comments like, oh you'd be so pretty if only you fixed your teeth, and once told me that I didn't have a boyfriend because there were 'too many things wrong with me'.
She also accused me of having Asperger syndrome because I didn't always make a lot of eye contact, but it was more a shyness thing.
I remember once she ripped up a piece of my classwork, and got really jealous just because a guy told me I 'saw the good in everyone'.
Once when she was drunk, she started to shove and push me, wrongly accusing me of flirting with a guy she liked because she had seen me say hello how are you to him, as I also knew him.

Her sister was 10 minutes down the road from me at uni and she had countless invitations to come see me, but never did even once although she went to see her sister, and I went to visit her at uni many times.
A lot of stuff like this, however she could also and can still be really nice, and we can have such a good laugh together.
I have never been able to work out why she did that because I never treated her badly.
She once broke down crying and admitted shed been horrible and I said I forgave her.

I do feel for her because she is divorced in her 20s, her marriage didnt even last a year and she is on anti depressants for it.
I have supported her as best as i can.
However, she did a couple of things like slept with/texted some married men, but luckily did the right thing and ended it.

Just find it a shame when she does these disappearing acts. She often comes back for the weekend to the home town where I still live and never suggests to me or the others to have a drink.
I tend to see her at group things where she is often really nice and funny and has given me great advice.
Not sure what to do, she will always be a part of this group. Maybe just stick to being polite but not go out of my way for her ?

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 07/09/2019 17:22

Im confused about what group things she is involved in?

French189 · 07/09/2019 17:23

Stuff like weddings, birthdays etc. Just big things with our group of school friends which she sometimes attends.

OP posts:
tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:27

No just be polite and civil when you see her but don't bother unless she is literally there and it's rude to completely blank her but keep your distance and keep it brief.

Rockos · 07/09/2019 19:08

Why bother? She doesn’t think of you as a friend and has been abusive! Find better friends! You deserve better than her. Don’t message her anymore. She doesn’t appreciate it anyway.

French189 · 07/09/2019 19:43

Thanks for the advice, I just don't know why she treated me like that and maybe never will know; I know it's a reflection of her though.
It sounds odd but maybe i'm a little intimidated by her. I always go back in my mind to how she treated me when we were at school.
I'm seeing someone and she said he was hot when I showed her a pic. I laughed it off and I know nothing would happen, but she has been able to sleep with and text married men so i'd feel uneasy about her around him..

OP posts:
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