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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know how to handle DH's behaviour.

27 replies

FaerieKiss · 07/09/2019 17:14

DH has been under a lot of work related stress recently. The means to make it better lie within his own hands but it requires him to do several tasks which he really hates. So, he's not doing them which means he's very stressed by the consequences of his non action. It's very frustrating having to watch but I have tried to be understanding, listened to him a lot, tried suggesting better ways to tackle the situation. But we just keep talking round the same old houses. He is incredibly stubborn and seems almost paralysed to sort himself out at the moment.

Instead, he does lots of displacement activity, getting busy about unnecessary stuff. And he has started popping out to the pub 'just for one pint' but then staying all afternoon. It's happened quite a lot of times in the last couple of months, and he's done it again this afternoon. And frankly I'm getting sick of it. He does sometimes invite me to go and join him, but I'm not a pub person and I don't particularly like the people he's met there. I mean they're absolutely fine just not my cup of tea and I don't enjoy their company.

We've had several rows about it but neither of us can see the others pov. He just insists he needs some me time to try and relax. I think he's acting like a teenager and not dealing with his responsibilities like a grown up.

We are meant to be going for a curry later with friends but really he's probably going to be worse for wear having spent all afternoon in the pub and he'll be crap company.

He's just messaged and suggested me and our friends join him now at the pub because there's a good live band playing. But I feel angry and resentful at him for basically running away to the pub. Just unsure how best to resolve the situation.

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 08/09/2019 18:19

I think he's acting like a teenager and not dealing with his responsibilities like a grown up.

Have you told him this? I doubt that such a contemptuous view is really helpful.

BitOfFun · 14/09/2019 03:10

@FaerieKiss I've just come across this article about beating procrastination at work, and remembered this thread. Perhaps it will be useful? Hope all is well.

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