Concerned about his comment regarding DD and I

[ConcernedMum19]

My partner and I have a DD who is now 4 months old, DP hasn’t been any help at all but with no support near by I’m stuck. That was until he made a comment yesterday that makes me realise I need an exit plan as I really don’t think what he said is right.

DD was crying and P said he wouldn’t send her off to an orphanage, I told him that he shouldn’t joke like that and if she went I’d obviously be with my baby. He then told me he’d throw me down the stairs .. said he was joking but I don’t know a) why would you joke like that b) don’t they say there is a grain of truth in every joke and c) wtf.

Do you think I need to be worried for my immediate safety or that he is just a twat? Either way I’m still done with the relationship

Bloody hell, his jokes are really not funny.

Unless he had that kind of dark humour when you first met him, I would be wondering if he meant it! Very odd and very worrying.... I think I would personally be worried about my safety.

What sort of relationship did you have before?

Interesting that he is no help.... does he contribute financially?

Even if he wasn't serious, would you want your DD growing up hearing her DF joke about throwing her down the stairs?

Yep he told you who he is there.
Listen.

He’s either got verbal diarrhoea and just made an awkward joke without meaning to or he’s an utter nobhead.
Either way he sounds useless and an exit plan is very sensible.

Jokes are funny. That was threatening.

I certainly wouldn't be telling him about any plans to leave.

Humor reveals the inner person. His inner person is not very pleasant. Leave now. Be thankful he is a DP not a DH.

Op. Is this your partners first child/ serious relationship or does he have a history of acrimonious relationships? Just interested. I’ve come across a man who joked this way. Turns out his jokes were not so funny given that he had (secret) form for violence agsinst women in his past.

@gorris, this is his first child, been together 4 years. He start ‘joking’ about slapping me and putting me in my place towards the end of pregnancy though. I have on numerous occasions shouted at him about this and the way he speaks to DD, but has pretty much continued.

@Gemma1971, we’ve always had the sort of relationship were im constantly ‘nagging’ him to get things done. Basically he is a lazy man child and DD was a very BIG surprise. Hence why I’m going to leave anyway just don’t want him to get violent, obviously. Currently I get a lot of you act like I am/have abused you when I mention how he has behaved.

Get out. Make it a priority.
There’ll be some small thing and he’ll slap you for it and tell you “I warned you!” You’ll let it go because he did warn you - but by staying you agree to whatever he does next. I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s safe. Maybe i’m wrong.

I'd get out asap and wouldn't want him to see my daughter, either.

Get out of there and do not leave your baby alone with him. Does he have MH issues?

Get out but do not tell him you’re leaving

@HVnamechange no no MH issues at all.

We're not there we can't judge if your in immediate danger but ideally you need to go regardless. What are your instincts saying about him?

And there were no signs of this in the first 3 years of your relationship? I would plan your exit and keep quiet about it. I guess he is on the birth certificate?

I applaud your courage to leave soon and I'd log the verbal threats he's been making with the domestic violence officer at your local police authority.

I don't really understand the orphanage thing so can't comment on that.

His threats of violence towards you are very concerning, has he ever been violent or controlling towards you in the past?

Some couples do have dark humour but as you have been together four years and his "jokes" have worried you I would not class them as humorous at all.