I Just Don't understand it

[kelly19841016]

Hi Guys,
I'm after some opinions as I just don't get this.
So I have been with my boyfriend (sorry ex boyfriend) for nearly 10 months. We are both separated from our ex wife/ex husband. We have each have 2 kids who are close in age and get on well.
Things between us were great, took me a while to let my guard down as had been really hurt previously.
Anyway we spent a lot of time together, he stayed whenever he didn't have his kids, we have had 3 holidays this year as well as weekends away.
Our last holiday was a month ago, all of us went, nice family holiday. On the last day we were speaking about our next holiday and plans for the rest of this year. We came home and 2 days later he goes radio silent, rarely replying to messages, wouldn't answer the phone etc.
Eventually he text saying he is so sorry for ignoring me, he doesn't think it can go anywhere and doesn't think it can go much further as we can never live together etc and he is at that point in his life where that is what he wants.
We have briefly spoken about living together, logistics would make it extremely hard but not impossible. We have been in regular contact but seem to be avoiding the elephant in the room!!!
Any advice as to what I do next? Xx

How old are your children? And his?

Maybe he reads MN and sees all the threads advising women not to get their new partners involved in their kids lives for at least 2 years. Maybe he realises after the family holiday that blending the 2 families just was not going to work.
However he should have met with you and have that conversation.

I’d accept his decision, hard though it may be. You can’t force anyone to be in a relationship with you

He obviously hasn’t handled it well and you feel led on. How long had you both been separated before you got together? I think he really hadn’t thought about what he wanted from a relationship. Hopefully in the future he will think a bit harder

It doesn’t sound like it was anything to do with you. I’m sorry it ended this way.

Sounds like the holiday didn't go as well for him as it did for you.

We blended a family 25 years ago.

It was like 2 peace's of jigsaw puzzle coming together.
My dd can't remember a time without dh.

All 4 kids are happy and living independent lives now.

Next week me and dh are going to the wedding of my step sons other sister - as occasionally she came over to us :)

Posted too soon.

I think he may need time to process things.
Maybe the kids didn't get on as well as he hoped.

It can be scary for men as it doesn't come as easy for some as others when it comes to looking after children. Holidays like Christmas can be challenging.
Give it a few weeks.

Has he found himself a girlfriend without children?

That's what it sounds like to me.

@Zaphodsotherhead thats what i get, too.
he is gone, its finished. sorry op .

The holiday actually went really well and he said he is glad the kids got on as well as they did.
I accept maybe it freaked him out a bit as a family holiday makes everything feel 'real' and I get it...... I had those thoughts too.
Who knows, maybe he just doesn't want to be with me, maybe he is scared, maybe it's moving too fast?
I don't think he has another girlfriend.... he wouldn't have the time. When he didn't have the girls he was at mine and when he did have them we spoke all the time and several times those evenings.

Sit down and discuss if you can work out a way to live together early next year. It's tricky for sure but if you really want to be together there's always a way. Despite barely knowing each other the gentleman I have met discussed it because it's important to ensure you are on the same page

It seems to me that you have crammed an awful lot into 10 months. Maybe the family holiday just topped it off. Personally, it would be far too much far too soon for me.

We had discussed it briefly and said we would discuss it in more detail towards the end of the year. It was something we both wanted but agreed we would not rush anything or so anything before we felt ready.
Yes the last 10 months have been manic and full on but it always felt easy, no pressure, fun, and this time was used getting to know each other.
I'm not pushing him for answers right now as I don't want him to feel pressure. We are still talking regularly just not about the important stuff.
I do kinda feel like this could be it but don't want to throw it away if it's something we can work round. What will be will be as they say xx

Could he be having financial issues? Just wondering why all of a sudden he has cold
Feet and is looking for a way to blend families sooner than would naturally evolve?

No, not at all. Very well paid job and very careful with money.
My friend suggested he is doing all this to pressure me into getting him to move in now...... I just can't see it. From what I know of him he doesn't seem like that. Is normally very forthcoming in saying what he thinks and wants

I dont understand why he is "in regular contact" and still talking with you, when he ended it and said he didnt want it to go anywhere.

They can always, but always find the time to meet another woman. He could still have been on dating sites without you knowing, he could have met someone at work.

The sudden 'I want to be moving forwards' - to mean 'moving in with someone' when you'd both agreed that logistics would make it hard, and it's not really even nearly been enough time to think about blending families - says to me that he's met someone without ties and wants to be spending his time with her.

It’s quite a new relationship. Seems rather soon to be talking about meshing four kids into a full-on blended family with “extremely hard” logistics. That’s probably what’s prompted his decision. I do not think he’s found another woman but he’s probably thinking that it might be easier to do so.

We aren't necessarily talking about doing it anytime soon just that would be the end goal.
I spoke to him yesterday and he has agreed to sit and talk about things. That's all I want, an upfront, honest conversation about what we are both feeling. So will see what happens. I'm fully prepared that this is it for us, and if it is at least we have spoken about it, hashed it out and can walk away with closure

good idea kelly19841016.

I think he wants a proper committed relationship and the logisitics of blending yours and his family's is too hard so he's ending it now and will find someone less complicated. I have to say if he's willing to end it like that, then it doesn't seem like he's that into you unfortunately.