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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I get him to leave :(

40 replies

m1seryguts · 06/09/2019 21:04

I have split with ExDP of 10 years. We have 1DC. He won't leave. He has done something unforgivable and I have made my stance clear that he has to go.

He keeps saying "I'll sort it", "I'll figure it out" but he has nowhere to go. Not even family. He can't afford a place and the house is mine.

I can't live like this anymore. Every time I see him it reminds me of the life I have tad taken from me. I am quite literally in a pity party for one over here. Equally I just can't throw him out. He's the father of my kid, I'd rather not have to do this. I think he's playing on this though.

Please help me :( any and all ideas welcome...

OP posts:
squeakybike · 07/09/2019 12:34

When he goes out next, you get the locks changed. It's your house so you're entitled to do that. You've given him more than enough warning.

Rockos · 07/09/2019 13:33

Do not leave. It’s your house! He has no rights to be there. Go see a solicitor and get advice on how to get him out

june2007 · 07/09/2019 13:57

Help him look for a flat share. Doubt council will help him he would be low priority.

Xenia · 07/09/2019 14:04

If he paid for substantial repairs he might be able to claim an equitable interest in your house. It sounds like he has mstly paid for food though not the mortgage or repairs so best just to give him some notice - I would suggest 2 weeks in this case as he has had plenty of warning. I doubt he would claim to be primary carer and seek a right to stay in the house with the child and without you under the Children Act (although that might be a slight risk). It sounds like you both work so no reason he could prove that. We all assume you arei n England - Scotland I think has different laws including on cohabitants although even Scotland may have changed those.

Then stick to the date you give him and change the locks when he it out on that day and deliver his things either to his parents' house or else leave them under plastic outside yours. I would not call the police or expect the council would house him. Ideally you and he would also agree child contact for after he leaves and who will pay what for the child.

Spanglyprincess1 · 07/09/2019 14:31

Op you'd be fine legally if it was clear the funds were for bills only

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2019 15:03

Fuck helping him look - he's doing this deliberately. Funny how he's responsible enough to work ft and not have a mummy figure jold his hand and wipe his arse too. He's had weeks, he's knowingly taking the piss, change locks and dump his stuff. He can see your dc when he grows the fuck up and sorts his own shit out. Good luck m1seryguts you're nearly there Thanks

Original poster
m1seryguts · 07/09/2019 15:54

Well I've had a rush of blood to the head and given him the boot. He's gone, I have the keys etc. I have no idea where he's gone and i am trying very hard not to care.

Thankyou all for making me see sense!!!

Obviously I've NC for this, I'm a long time lurker on this forum but honestly I don't know what I'd do without the kick up the arse sometimes. Smile

I've taken DC out for the day (currently sat in the fresh hell that is soft play) to take his mind off things and allow me to process in relative peace, screaming children aside...!!

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 07/09/2019 16:04

Hot damn! Best of luck!

june2007 · 07/09/2019 16:06

Well now you can move forward and actually so can your ex. But I would want to know where he has gone for the sake of your DS.

Original poster
m1seryguts · 07/09/2019 16:22

@june2007 it's so hard. If I ask, I know what I'll get. "I've nowhere to go, I can't go to DPs, I can't go to friends" etc etc. He'd be back in before 7pm all pleased with himself.

It's hard. I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 07/09/2019 17:49

He'll sort something out. Don't concern yourself with it. But if I were you I'd have the locks changed anyway just to make sure he cant come back.

Supersimkin · 07/09/2019 17:55

Well, you can tell why he isn't keen to leave - he's in clover, acting the dick and being paid and housed to do it.

He reckons you'll let him back in.

Call a locksmith. Best £60 you'll ever spend on a Sat afternoon.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2019 20:16

Well done m1seryguts! That took guts - you're going to have to change your username now Grin

You can sort out arrangements for him to see your dc when he's settled and found somewhere stable to live. He can still take him out during the day just not overnights for now. It might be worth speaking to a solicitor about this.

Don't forget to claim your 25% discount on your council tax.

carly2803 · 07/09/2019 20:34

do not leave. it is your house

give him notice and stick to it. It is not your problem if he has made no effort to change and sort things out. He is a grown adult

Weenurse · 07/09/2019 23:40

Well done

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