Long post..
Found out he cheated on me physically new years day but has been messaging, cam, buying pictures etc from women for 18 months (basically pregnancy/birth/first 9 months) and has done so for most of his adult life in previous relationships. What a catch..
I have a baby who's just turned 1 and it breaks my heart the thought of sharing care, splitting everything and missing out especially at a young age. So I committed to working through things, it was going well until we went on holiday and I found out he'd lied to me about giving up smoking and other things he's omitted to confess to at the time it all came out. This time it all did come out and I got details of things that turns my stomach. He promised to get help. The summer holidays and falling over kids has been stressful and he's not got the support he promised and I feel like I'm the only one thinking about things. Basically he undid all the work I put in building trust. I now actually feel like I hate him (and I'm not one for hating). I have so much anger and resentment towards him because I can't believe he was that person and I didn't notice and that it took him another month to put his big boy pants on and be open and honest like I'd asked him to be at the beginning so we could rebuild from there. So there was another month of my life he wasted..
I can be sure I don't love him (who is he anyway?!) but what I do love is my family (I don't have much in the way of any other) and I want to commit to them but only if he now does what he says he will and builds the trust like he should have done when I originally found out. I just sort of think he's fighting a losing battle but I won't want to walk away in anger.. I am just finding it really difficult to live in the situation