Is seeing a new BF twice a week enough to develop the relationship?

[LeilaLou]

Hi all, I have been dating a lovely new man for 8 months. Things going great, we are smitten with each other and both see long term potential in the relationship.

He has 2 DC (8 and 12 yo) 50% of the time, and has been separated from DC's mother for 18 months. The plan is to file for divorce on the 2 years mark. Amicable and mutual split. I have no DC, but I lead a busy life with lots of friends and hobbies. I have not met his DC yet, we are both very cautious about involving children in a new relationship.

In the last few months NM and I have fallen into a routine of spending two nights a week together (dinner and sleepover), plus the occasional full day on Saturday or Sunday when he doesn't have his DC. Each week he gets 3 or 4 childfree nights, two of which he spends with me and the other 1/2 either resting or socializing.

I am now starting to wish we could spend more time together, but he obviously has his DC 50% of the time and rightfully wants to cultivate friendships and hobbies as well. This means that seeing each other more often is not going to be an option until we decide to take things further and introduce me to the DC (not in the near future).

I am a bit worried that seeing each other only twice a week is not going to allow the relationship grow further. In past relationships I would see a new BF maybe 3/4 times a week at this stage, including frequently spending weekends together.

However I have never dated a parent and I understand it is a totally different situation, so I am open to being told that I am being unreasonable

Do you think a relationship can grow and develop with kind of arrangement?

Thanks!

Everyone will be different. The only opinion that really counts, is your own.

For me, after only 8 months, twice a week would be plenty

Robin we have been dating for 8 months, he has been separated for 18 months.

I'd say that, as a single dad with 50/50 residence, if he is finding the time to see you twice a week, then he is totally serious about developing the relationship. That's a significant chunk of time for someone in that position to be able to carve out, and it shows he is committed to you.

Things will naturally progress much more slowly when you're seeing a single dad than they would with someone who didn't have those commitments. His kids will always need to come first, and he is absolutely right to be very cautious, slow, and deliberate when thinking about introducing you to their lives. He will be very conscious that he holds two little hearts in his hands, and every step he makes will be carefully thought about. I know somebody earlier on the thread suggested that you sit him down and agree a timetable for introducing you to the kids - totally understand where that advice is ckming from, but (as another dad with 50/50), I'd strongly advise against it. That needs to be his judgement, based on how his kids are doing, that he can make without any pressure. He and the kids' mum only split 18 months ago - that's plenty of time for him to be in a new relationship, but his children will still be adjusting, and he's right not to introduce someone new, to disturb the equilibrium they're now finding, for a while yet. But it sounds like you both get that, which is a good sign.

I'd say just let this thing develop at its own pace. He sounds like a decent guy, and the amount of time he's finding for you suggests he is serious. So, in time, if it's meant to be, it will develop.

It depends on whether that is enough for you, though I think it’s plenty. As someone else said, he’s dedicating almost his entire spare time with you so he’s obviously committed. My partners always worked offshore and we only see each other one weekend a month. We’ve been together 13 years now and have 3 children together, it works for us..

Do you know when he plans on actually introducing you to his children? Do they know about you?

He has recently told his DC's mother that he has met someone, the DC don't know yet. His plan is to mention it to the DC after we have been dating for around a year (so in 4 months from now), and then potentially wait another few months before introducing me. It will all depend on how the DC take the news obviously.

I'm 2 years into a very committed relationship. We only see each other twice a week (my kids.) it's not ideal but the relationship has grown and is great. For the first 6 months or so it was once a week

I don’t think it’s that much but I have never dated a man with children. If one of those nights is at the cinema or the theatre, there won’t be much time to talk. If you are just staying home or going for dinner those nights then yes it’s fine.

*@LeilaLou *
Robin we have been dating for 8 months, he has been separated for 18 months.
Sorry I meant 8 months :)

Everyone is different.
My dh was a friend first and my dd has met many of my friends while I was a single parent.

The only time she was away from me was when she was at her dads who I trusted implicitly.

(Occasionally my sister )

But I had been split with my ex 2.5 years and dh had been split 6 years.

We each dated other people since then.

So maybe he is cautious because he's not long out his relationship.