I have never in all my 40 years encountered this feeling of loss and feeling lost in my life, I actually thought it was a good idea/move and decision at the time but its only gone and let me feeling more lonely, strangely needy and very weird in the 9 months we have broken up.
We had a house together, which we bought and now just sold and I moved out in March this year to rent and get my head together and living with your ex is just horrendous and well lets just say he said he met someone after 2 months of the break.... and felt she was the future for him, so with that, I move out I couldn't bare the emotional feelings I was going through.... and as soon as I move out, he dumps her as too many issues and too far away apparently and the list goes on....
We had nearly 5 years together, no children, 2 dogs and this house .I am now buying again on my own another house since we sold this one which I am so pleased about as well as feeling like I might just get my life on track.
However I have tried dating, nothing has worked, some men are just well....strange, going through things, not attractive and the list goes on but not saying they aren't nice but just not for me. Which has made matters worse naturally lol. I did date someone for a few months but we were so different in terms of family values etc and lifestyles that made it harder for us. However I did really like him and nearly got over the ex, well at that point I had...
As the ex so desperately didnt want to sell the house, he was comfortable there and loved it, he felt it was best to take it off the market and it was at that point my parents said get a solicitor, so I did about 3 months before it sold. I felt harsh doing it but it had to be done.
She did help but a month later someone came in with an offer 20k less and he accepted it, firstly said no, but he still got his share and 10k more when sold, so should be happy and there was me thinking he was going to move with his new 10 year old lady who is 53 and had her own house, but no not the case at all.
Now just as we are all agreeing on dates to exchange, he wants 2 weeks on this as he has nowhere to live even though this house has been sold for over 3 months now and all ready to exchange. He is apparently moving in with family/brother and may rent at some point, he is 53. I found this quite sad to hear. He has been married twice, no children by the way with any exes. His brother has just broke up with his ex too strangely enough....so happy days for both of them together!
I had to go round the house to pick up a few things and give him back a few things but didnt know he would be in as he works certain hours, so thought ok nothing to lose but as soon as I saw him, he broke down, started to shake and cried. Which pretty much set me off to a point. He cried when he saw the dog too.
Now he tells me he has lost his rage at work because of stress re the house, he has also put on weight, he is finding dating boring and when asked he admits to still having feelings for me. He suggested seeing me when he settles into his place and take it slow as he would really like that. As much as I said kind of yes (feeling lonely over here and not met anyone) I feel we are in different places. He said how are you feeling, I said well I have found myself, new friends, work is good new job, gym everyday and buying this new home, new car and he said are you where you were when you first met me 5 years ago, I said yes I am if not more (strange question to ask me).
He said you are further ahead than me in my life I still have a fair bit to go and this house is still emotionally hard for me. I may just buy a new car outright, (this one he wants is about 30k approx) with the money from the house and a sports bike (of course I was thinking really, that will make you happy) to which he said it will make me happy! (don't ask).
I left feeling a kind of sadness and we are on talking terms after 9 months of not really communicating at all and a solicitor involved to help with the house move. He has had a lovely life with me also on his own single life since I left, with a 5 bed house too and a 5 mins walk to train station to work, that is now all going to change for him.
He has since text twice re house/dates etc....but thats all.
I have had time to think and think, there was a reason why I left I think. I also, when we were together, started to feel down, bored, depressed and also frumpy, I had lost myself and my identity.... we argued so much it drowned me emotionally and I told him this and apologised as well for at times being fiery and controlling but now I do feel I have found myself. He said we could have worked it out surely. Maybe I thought as we tried counselling but couldn't for some reason work anything out afterwards with the same rows if not worse....!
This is the most strangest and most loneliest place I have ever been in, in my life he said he has also lost his best friend and didnt realise how much he use to talk to me until he was on his own.
I just hope I can move on from this as it is taking me forever to get over. Everything else in my life is great... job is great,, house, family, friends, fitness, health and dogs of course!!
Not sure what is up with him but I cant help but feel emotionally low. I was doing ok still not loving life but at least felt I had a life again, hobbies too..our lives were always together and I told him to find things he loved when we were together only for me to see him taking it too far and me feeling alone, he works 12 hour days and isolated more and more each day with arguments too but we loved one another dearly...
He admitted to being addicted to me and said we were like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton....(hmmm?? not sure what he meant by that one)
I guess I will never understand what happened but hope to find someone else again to be happy with in the mean time I kind of hope we don't meet up, but I was saying to him with the house being sold now it has given me closure and this is all I wanted as its been dragging for a year. He kind of felt sad when I said that and said well this feels like my first marriage of 14 years when that broke up, it took me 4 years to get over that one and then I met my 2nd wife but that only lasted a few years so I am not having much luck here...
I had no comment just knew I needed to get back out as felt lost with this conversation. Just as I was leaving he says he wants that high he got when he first met me and nobody is making him feel that way, I said well I am quite out there and you seem to always bring everything up about our past on the first year we were together, he said because it was amazing....(I guess it was and I felt he was the one for me)
Now onwards and upwards and new house....
any tips on helping to get over an ex???
thanks for reading everyone x