Feeling lonely on weekends

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This might sound strange but I have a husband and two children, 9 and 11, but I feel really lonely on weekends. We have no sense of doing anything as a family anymore. My children sit staring at screens and my husband, who works from home, just works all the time. Although I have friends, I feel that weekends are family time and everyone is understandably busy with their own families. My husband and children never want to go out and do anything ever. We just sit in . I'm the only one that wants to see things, go for walks, to a museum, do anything except stare at a screen. My husband knows how I feel but does nothing to change this. If I suggest an outing, he just overrules me and tells me the kids need their downtime. I should add that I'm currently not working (but desperately looking for work) so I spend all my time at home. I understand that it's different when you have a job/school and you don't want to be rushing around on weekends. But it's so extreme. Sometimes I just walk through the park on my own and when I see families out doing sports or hanging out together I want to cry. I try and keep myself busy during the week with volunteering, spanish classes and exercise but it's the weekends that really get me. Any tips/advice??

Hi, how about joining a club or activity that only meets at the weekend? Also you may be surprised how many people you know are in the same position. If your DH is in the house and the kids are on their screens (I detest this!) then go and make your own adventures. I appreciate people are busy with their families hence the suggestion of weekend clubs. The other thing you could look into is volunteering for an organisation that you feel is worthwhile.

Good luck!

I don’t have a solution as I have the exact same problem. Can I ask if you have just boys? I think to myself that if I had a daughter at least I’d have somebody to go round the shops at a weekend with. It’s depressing and extremely lonely. I get what others say about filling time but it’s not why I had a family! I had a family so we could do things together. I never expected it to be like this! I’m now trying to find work back home (several hours away) and insist we move house so that I can at least hang with my sisters and their kids at the weekend. Could you think about doing that? Getting a job and moving somewhere where you do have company?

Could you go back to college and re-train? Nursing, teaching...anything really

I must admit now I've started working full time in the week again I agree with your DH. The kids probably do need some downtime to chill out at home. I know I do after a long week at work.

Can you not find a compromise and spend one day at home and one day out doing something as a family? We do this, mainly because DH works on Saturdays. I spend Saturdays at home chilling out with the kids, we do home work and I catch up on house work etc. Then Sunday is family day.

I do also think that you need to start looking for company outside of your family as well. As your kids grow up they're going to want to spend more time with their friends and even less with their parents.

Your kids are at the age where they will want to do their own thing . Have u got a dog ? U could at least go for long country walks etc ?

Can you take the dcs out on your own? You don't need to go out as a foursome. Otherwise what about exercising? Going for a run, or a yoga class or a cycling club? If I need to get out, I usually do one of those.

I've also acquired dogs and they give me so much pleasure - and also I need to walk them.

(and if you don't work during the week, what about looking at that? It's much easier to do nothing at the weekend if you're busy working during the week).

Definitely get a dog if you can, a big one that needs exercise regularly. Our dog walks kept the family very much together during the difficult teenage years, and she was excellent for everyone's mental health (great listener!). So long as it is well-trained, when you start working again it can be left, but actually this point in your life would be a good one to get a puppy.

I'm very old but surely 9 and 11 year olds shouldn't be staring at screens for 48 hours on end??

What would they like to do? Maybe start at that end and try to make progress - so I don’t know many that would refuse food? So maybe take them out for breakfast or lunch? Or make fun food together at home - pancakes? If you get an hour of interaction or doing something together that’s a good start. Or easy stuff like the cinema - then over time you can build this up and sneak in a walk by stealth - walk back from the cinema - breakfast at a cafe in a park?

How do you engage on all of little moments M-F. Do you sit down for breakfast/dinner, walk to school, watch a film or TV together?

These are easy and appropriate moments for communication....and all build up. Face book style “fabulous family days out” are often not always what they seem.

Go to museums etc on your own if that's what you want to do!

My DP and I are both self-employed and there's loads of weekends when one of us has to work. If he's working I tend to go to a museum or gallery to see something I know he's not bothered about, or a pretentious subtitled film that no one else wants to see

Don't give your kids a choice- they'll moan but enjoy it once you're out. Go to a trampoline park, bike rides, get painting materials or baking stuff out, invite friends round or arrange to go down the pub with other families.

OP I really feel for you. Reading your post has made me really feel for you. I identify on some levels. I used to feel v isolated and lonely at weekends in the past (different circumstances but similar feelings) and tonight I do too (unexpected child-free eve and I’m a single parent with no plans, so I too am feeling that sting of being the only one with no plans whilst all my friends are with their families).

FWIW: Id try limiting screentime if you can? My two are a bit younger than yours, granted, but they too would spend all weekend in their tablets if I let them. I limit them to a set amount which they gorge on happily on Sat/Sun mornings whilst we all laze around in PJ’s decompressing from the week, but then screens go off. This encourages them to interact as a family and we’ll sometimes play a board game, build a Lego model, and always get out for a walk/bikeride/visit to somewhere interesting/swimming at the leisure centre etc or just a kickabout in the park or some swingball in garden.

I really do appreciate how hard it is to limit screen time though, and perhaps this isn’t even possible once they’re the ages of your DC’s.

My ex-H is a teacher and also use to work all weekend. I wonder if your DC’s are modelling themselves on their dad, in that they’re head-down, concentrating and isolating themselves all weekend and can site their father as their justification/role model for this? Maybe if you give them less screentime and more enforced “activities” with you you’ll be able to teach them to be less like your DH and more like you - and they’ll start to enjoy modelling themselves more on you (active, sociable, interested in connecting with others etc).

Hope this makes some sense. Seems a bit jumbled. It’s possibly the glass of I’m consoling myself with in lieu of any human company tonight

Good luck OP and please don’t feel alone. Here’s some for you for this weekend, and an un-mumsnetty hug

Ritmo thank you so much, I really appreciate such a warm, empathetic response. The whole situation makes me feel so sad. I definitely think my dc are modeling themselves on their dad with his head buried in a screen 24/7. I absolutely agree they shouldn’t be on screens all the time but my dh often disagrees with me in front of them when I suggest turning them off. I feel quite undermined by him on this subject.

Thanks to everyone else for the suggestions, I love the dog idea (I did actually get my dd away from her screen to walk a rescue dog with me recently) I also appreciate that the happy family scenes we see on social media aren’t always representative. I do have a social life and do plenty of exercising on weekends, it’s just that I so want to have experiences together as a family.
Thank you.