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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To find it hard to relate to other women due to upbringing?

5 replies

Cloud9889 · 06/09/2019 13:17

Basically the above but in more detail...
My mother was for many years the main earner in our house. She had a professional job whereas my dad had a low paid job. I’m not sure why and if that is the reason but for many years and even to this day I’ve often felt quite alone in my experience of growing up like this. I can imagine now it is very common but when I was growing up I didn’t know any one who had this sort of set up unless for example, the mother was a single parent. I think it’s had many positive impacts on how I view my role in life especially around Money and childcare but I can’t help feeling sometimes alone in the sense I can’t relate to others’ ‘typical’ upbringings and growing up I always felt a bit different if you see what I mean. Are there any other 80’s kids who grew up like this. Today it seems I would fit right in with quite a few people but it was definetly an odd set up back then. I missed having my mum around terribly as unfortunately we had far too many short term Carers which I found difficult. Please understand I’m not meaning to bash women for working though - I do myself I’m just looking for anyone who has had experience of my upbringing and whether they ever felt like I have

OP posts:
Cloud9889 · 06/09/2019 13:19

I won’t be too specific but my low paid - I mean a school leaver type job, no qualifications needed. My mums job was a graduate type job. I should say that my dad did have a professional job for some years but for various reasons ended up in low paid work for a lot of my childhood.

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Me2you3 · 06/09/2019 13:20

Not specifically 'higher' earners, back in the 80s, but out of my friends there's a complete mixture of some of us who had stay at home mums, and others who both parents worked full time. I don't think it has really affected anything as we are all working mums now, but in saying that, maybe some of us who had sahms feel more mum guilt than those who didn't

Koloh · 06/09/2019 13:24

My mother earned more than my father and had a higher powered job generally, but I never noticed it making a huge, alienating, difference to our upbringing. Can you explain more what you mean?

Did you have a nanny and not know other children with nannies? We had (lovely) childminders who looked after us when we were little, which again was quite normal. After all, there were plenty of other children at the childminders with us.

chickenyhead · 06/09/2019 13:25

I don't really have experience of there being a typical childhood experience amongst my friends. Those of us in abusive homes sort of clicked more, but family structure was irrelevant.

I think it may be a deeper issue causing this disconnect. Masquerading as being due to family structure.

Cloud9889 · 06/09/2019 16:45

Thanks everyone for replying x

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