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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need aome advice / help!

4 replies

Flumpy19 · 06/09/2019 12:07

My partner and I have been together 6 years now. We met in uni. My parents met my partner when we were just friends and were really supportive of our relationship when we moved in together an hour and a half away from them when we (coincidentally!) both got our first jobs out of uni in the same town!

Since then 4 years ago, we have bought our own home, got engaged and had our beautiful baby who is now 5 months old, and from my point of view, my partner and family have always got on laughing, joking and talking.

Last night my mother and I were discussing my brother and his horrible girlfriend and I said "I hope you didn't talk about me and Dale like this haha!" and she replied "well..."

I then said "I hope you don't think I've made the wrong choice with him, especially since our relationship has gone so far" and she said "well I do think he can be a bit controlling; but then there are two sides to every story and I'm not there to see it and you have been better at standing up for yourself."

It's been playing on my mind and I can't seem to stop it. I thought my partner and I had a good relationship - we are happy (though he works a lot, and we wish we could spend more time together!) and I think we both work together to get jobs done etc.

Should I ask my mother more about it, or try to forget about it and move on? I don't want to mention it to my partner as I thought he and my family had a good relationship and I don't want to ruin that.
What would you do? TIA

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/09/2019 16:22

Do YOU think he's controlling?

Maybe she thinks no-one is good enough for her children? (Which is a pretty typical approach!).

If you're happy, I really wouldn't worry about it. And she obviously wasn't worried enough about it to bring it up before.

Mamma19c · 09/09/2019 12:24

No I don't. I think he was pressuring when our baby was born to come home, but that was mainly due to the fact that he had trauma in the same hospital and couldn't keep bringing himself to walk through the doors to visit. So we've talked about that and we've come through it. It's the only time I've felt he was controlling and he regrets it massively.

I wonder if this is why she feels he is? Though I've explained this to her. Maybe it is as you said and no one is good enough.

Thank you. I think I'll try to just move on! We're happy and hopefully they can repair their relationship! X

mtracyfryer · 09/09/2019 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/09/2019 20:00

Sometimes when you’re in a controlling relationship you can’t see it or make excuses for your partner’s behaviour; and on that basis, and because you say your mother has generally been supportive of your relationship, I’d want to ask her for some examples of where she thinks he’s been controlling or where she feels you should have stood up for yourself. They may well be misunderstandings on her part or situations where she simply hasn’t seen the full picture and so has jumped to conclusions - in which case you can set her right and assure her she has nothing to worry about. But there’s always a chance she’s seeing a side of him you can’t or don’t want to see and shrugging off her concern too hastily.

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