I think I love him. Should I stay or should I go?

[Refreshretry]

I've been single for about a year after my ex well and truly broke my heart. Hit rock bottom, mental health all over the place, recovering nicely now but having to learn how to be really independent and emotionally strong again. Learning how to set myself boundaries as I've struggled with this in the past and allowed people to walk all over me and treat me terribly (not just partners, friends, co workers etc).

On that note, I've been seeing someone for the last 4 months and I'm really confused about what to do next. I think I'm in love with him. I don't want anyone else, I think we are a good match, have a lot of the same views on life, a lot in common etc. I haven't told him how I feel because I'm scared it will scare him off or he won't feel the same and the rejection will hurt.

We have had the 'exclusive' conversation in a roundabout way and sort of established that we are in that neither of us are interested in or seeing anyone else. But he says he isn't ready for a 'relationship'. He had previously been screwed over by an ex too so I understand his reluctance but I know the general consensus is that if someone says this it means they don't want a relationship with YOU and it's a bit of a line. But it really doesn't feel like a line!

We get on really well, spend a lot of time together (schedules permitting), have great sex, are intimate with each other. I know he's spoken to his friends and family about me. It has all the hallmarks of a relationship but without the official title and that bothers me a bit but I'm not sure why!

Am I being an idiot? Is 'relationship' just a label or is he just playing me and keeping his options open without having to commit to being 'official'?

Well I didn’t call my ( now husband ) a ‘relationship’ for many many many months

Definately over a year .but we probably were in a relationship. Just didn’t define it in that way.

He still made me meet his parents at about 3 months and I didn’t really want to but they happened to be coming to the town we lived in and they were desperate to meet me .

So I did but categorically told him that it did not mean we were in a relationship and that I didn’t know what was going to happen between us .

We carried on like this for a very long time .

I suppose I was the one that wasn’t sure , I think I was sure about him , but I wasn’t sure about a lot of other things that were going on in my life.

I’m any case we are married now. And in fact it was probably him that wanted the commitment fairly early on .

I wouldn’t say I was messing him about , in the end I did marry him . 😊

It’s only been 4 months. Neither of you know each other well enough yet. You are in the early honeymoon stage. Enjoy it!
And don’t rush it along by forcing conversations and definitions.
Previous hurts in relationships affect how people are in the next relationship. At 4 months it’s way to early to get upset at the lack of ‘public status’....
See how it feels as you go along. If by the time you hit, say, 1 year you haven’t met family & friends - i’d have a conversation about ‘the relationship’.
But not at 4 mo.

Since the conversations have been a bit 'roundabout' in your own words, is it possible that he's also wary of scaring you off by speaking too full-on about it?

I don't think so @NewLevelsOfTiredness. I think he knows that I'm into him. He knows I want a relationship, we even broke it off briefly (well, he did) because he said he didn't want me to wait around for him to be ready. But then he got back in touch and we carried on! He just said he doesn't want anything too 'heavy', which is fine but there's a big area in between 'no commitment at all' and 'marriage and babies'.