Parents have no hobbies or interests

[Buzzingbee7]

Just that really. Is it normal for them to literally have nothing they are interested in doing? My dad has now retired and my mum works part-time. All free time is spend with my mum watching TV until late at night and my dad on his laptop all evening. My dad does DIY around the house during the day but that’s it.
Both are very unfit with my dad being obese and flitting between type 2 diabetes and pre-diabetes ranges. My mum though completely able, would struggle to swim even a width of a pool. She also recently had thyroid cancer.

Despite these they have no interest in being healthy, having any hobbies or any interests. My dad has no friends. If he did, all he would be interested in doing would be drinking alcohol. But he has zero self-control with alcohol and will binge drink and be a nightmare to be around. I am very anxious around him drinking he is a totally different person. I think he has had period of time in my life where he was an alcoholic.

My mum has a group of female friends she sees every few months but she is pretty anxious so not sure how sociable she will be during these group meetings.

As a result I feel they live their life through me a lot. I’m engaged and they haven’t even met my partner’s family because his are the total opposite. They do massive hikes, jogging, swimming, Pilates, cycling, golf, have lots of friends whom they go on holidays with etc, golfing holidays. The idea of introducing them makes me feel really anxious.

I don’t even know what I’m asking

I feel really guilty writing all that. They are good people and want the best for me. It’s just hard to relate to them and I worry about other people relating to them. I worry if one was to die the other would downward spiral.

Your partners family sound very sociable, I would guess that they would have the good grace to be polite and welcoming to your family?

My inlaws are like this, except my mother in law has no friends, but they are nice people and get on great with my parents who are much busier people.

They seem completely demotivated with life. It is serious because they won't live long if this continues. Trouble is they need to decide to do something themselves you can't make them.
Something needs to spark their interest. A walking group and a hobby group each would be a start.
This isn't healthy at all and surely they can't be happy with no interests.
Maybe drag them out on a weekly walk and build up gradually until they are fit enough to do it with a group.

You sound embarrassed by them.

Some of what you’ve written are legitimate concerns - the drinking and the health problems due to diet/lack of exercise.

However not having hobbies or a social life is not actually a problem. Some people aren’t sociable. That’s ok.

Sounds like your DF has a drink problem that he can’t control - so manages it by not exposing himself to social situations - and maybe your DM anxiety is related to this also.

Are they happy / content?

I would say my DF is not content at all. He gets bored but is very stubborn and generally refuses to try things and is set in his ways. He refuses to believe any health related research.
My DM is content-ish coasting alone watching TV but my dads behaviour can make her unhappy I.e if he goes through spells of binge drinking at home in the evenings with just her and she’s sober. My mum is very co-dependent. Relies on my dad for all decision making and jobs around the house. I’m sure if he suggested a walking group she would go along. But she would never do anything alone or suggest things to him due to the way he is.
I don’t live near them so unable to support any hobbies etc by going along as well.

I think there are lots of people like your mum and dad, and only they can decide if they want to change that. But you don't have to introduce them to your fiances family if you don't want - in 22 years of marriage, 25 years together mine and dh's parents have met twice, once at a lunch a couple of months before our wedding when fil and dad had their suits measured and at our wedding. Extended families only seen each other at our wedding.

Thank you @CMOTDibbler

My parents are retired and do loads. My PILs are retired and do nothing. I used to try and help the PILs engage with things going on in the community but I gave up when I realised they just don't want to. They have no friends, they rarely go out, and when they do - everything is negative. MIL's hobby is online shopping. FIL's is running errands for MIL. They are both in poor health, but ultimately I had to accept they are adults and not my responsibility. You can't make people do things they don't want to - don't exhaust yourself, OP. I've tried and it gets you nowhere. If they don't want to change, they won't.

Sounds like the drink issue dictates everything. You can’t change it. You DM sounds like she is “coping” by dissociation watching TV. Don’t feel shame for their behaviour - but as PP has said - just realise that they only need to meet once or twice. Sounds like they will both be relived by this.

I think it would help you to detach from them and accept that they are adults and this is the way they want to live their lives.

You live far away so presumably don't see them much. If you can enjoy their company for the odd weekend, then does it matter what they do the rest of the year?