I was in a relationship for about 5 years and I called it off after a particular incident which 'gave me permission' to say that I didn't want to carry on in the relationship..... I'd been looking for a way out. The relationship was not normal but I can't put my finger on what went on and am hoping someone here can as it's left me with a sick anxiety sort of feeling for years (despite now being married to someone else and happy!)
He was depressed I'm sure and used to cry all the time saying if I didn't come over he would do something stupid.
He trashed his flat, picking up a chair and smashing it against things and also pushing a bookcase at me which narrowly missed me. He never laid a finger on me apart from that bookcase incident.
He joined a sports group I went to with my friends which irked me as it was my time with my friends and he changed the dynamic completely. I stopped feeling comfortable there so I stopped going. I realise now that I was becoming isolated from my friends. Actually I've just remembered he joined another group I was part of too but I carried on going to that.
He was intense and wanted to spend every second with me.
He would ring me constantly if I wasn't with him and if I didn't answer there would be a million 'friendly' messages asking when I was and what I was doing and how much he loved me - it was suffocating. He didn't think I was seeing anyone else (which I wasn't, I was just busy or not wanting to answer the phone for the hundredth time!)
His family used to ring me and say "oh can you go over, he's so depressed" etc.
I'm sure I have forgotten lots in the past 15 years but given that I'm still bothered by it and have just read a psychology book I am keen to explore why it bothers me and give it a name - and put it to bed!
If anyone has any insight to share I would be grateful.
Thank you