Not one person heard my call for help..

[LimpingAlong3]

This is a thread about completely inadequate mental health care after giving birth. My first labour was very protracted. I was due on a Monday, contractions started on Tuesday, but it took until Friday for baby to appear. I had every drug/pessary/sweep going. Labour was excruciatingly painful (I had 9 epidurals, pethidine & gas & air, none which had any effect). I felt at the point of death with the pain. Baby was delivered & put onto my chest & I looked and felt absolutely nothing. My bonding hormones never came.

At every post-birth check-up & all the gazillions of appointments for different early injections etc, I told the nurses present that something was very wrong & that I felt nothing for my baby & I wanted help. I was even a member of the NCT. Because I handled the baby well & it breastfed well, no-one paid any attention to my distress. Shamefully, it took 10yrs before any feelings grew & that's had a permanent impact on my child which I'm very sorrowful about. I hope things are different these days.

that is truly horrendous, and I'm so sorry it happened to you.

You don't say how long ago it was but yes I do think things are better these days.

I had trouble bonding with my middle child (for different reasons) and felt nothing until he was 2. I feel incredibly guilty and think I've spent the years since subconsciously trying to make it up to him.

Would you consider some counseling now?

That’s awful OP, I can’t even imagine it.
I’m not very good at advice but I think all you can do now is focus on the present and the future and trying to make up for lost time.

Unfortunately it still happens today. I had a planned c section that went well but DD was not adequately monitored by the midwife and nearly died. I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame, with an unsupportive DH and unhelpful family. I was drowning but the nhs were so busy trying to cover up what had happened no one listened when I repeatedly said how awful I felt, that I was scared I would still lose DD (despite her then being fine), that I felt unable to process what had happened and that most importantly i was struggling. It was actually out clinical negligence solicitor who sent me to the GP in the end. Everyone else told me I was fine

These stories are so awful. It makes me so sad that women are not given proper support postnatally when they clearly need it, and when PND is just seen as a hormonal imbalance when it can quite often be a perfectly understandable reaction to a traumatic birth. The human cost of depression and difficulty bonding, which causes issues to the child and the mother is tragic.

Hopefully now over 10 years later things have changed.